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long road back

November 21, 2011 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
feeling the sting of the short run. me and mj went 4, and as others continued on for more mileage i wanted to go. knew i shouldn't though. going to go 6 on turkey day. 2 miles warm up and 1 cool down. i want to do a longer warm up because it will be cold and i might go "fast" so i want my knee to be warm enough.

on another note we had the cross country closing meeting and the track opening meeting today. coach put up a "wish list" for track. i was one of four people to be on the 10k list, and one of many on the 5k list. it seems like more distance people are actually doing track this year, but also we have a lot less injuries during this transition part of the year. and hopefully that continues. back to me though, i am having my meeting with coach next tuesday, so i just wanted to briefly think about what came from my cross country season and reiterate my track goals to myself.

1. i ran awful this year. i could be nice about it, but who does that help? same as last year, i'm just way faster than i ever raced. i don't know what happened to the consistency i had as a senior in high school. other than that year, i'd say i was good for one real good race ever other year. i've never consistently performed at level i'm capable of. even senior year during our 5k time trial on the track i saw what potential i had and hadnt ever accessed. i ran a 16:15 2 years ago. that ones going down by the way, a lot. i need to find a way to access what i found that day. i dont think that day i could have run any faster no matter what i did. its got to be a mental thing. i dont know. i want to talk to coach lanese more often, because i think that may be what helped me senior year. i always had mizicko to vent to, or to just let me know things from an outside, coach's perspective. i miss that closeness i had with him.

2. i didnt get my goals, and i feel awful about the season, but i will never give up. fuck that. i feel like a few people on the team may have thought things were going down hill for me, as i got a couple requests to go on runs to talk, and all this other stuff that seemed like they were babying me. i appreciate concern, a lot, as this team is a greater support than anyone can ask for, but that's not me. i know people in this program have given up when things got tough, or didnt go there way. no names specifically, but we know who they are, and ia m not one of them. its going to take a doctor telling me i can never run again to keep me from running. in fact i expect more from myself after this tough season. my goals got harder because of this. i'm going to do what i can in track for this team to get to nationals a year from now. i owe it to the people i couldn't help this year, because i know i never ran like the man i've become as a runner this year during a race. and i'm embarrassed and pissed about this.

3. i want to get stronger. this one is one i realized recently. not many things make me care about what people think, but what what wyatt said about a week ago made me embarrassed. i need to be stronger. i want people to know i'm strong enough. and sorry but wyatt's made himself a target. when i beat him on the track like i would have last year if he was healthy, i'll get to say that he got his ass kicked by the "weakest member of suite 240". the least he could have done was say it my face. anyway lifting in the weight room with the middle distance (800/mile group) people might be the route to go as the "distance lift" isnt cutting it. i feel increased strength will help with consistency. being strong enough to hold my race even when my head might not be there. i just feel smaller than everyone out there. i think i felt it during this cross season too, but wyatt's stupid little insult seems to have made me realize.

4. i want to run with the top guys. ethan, chris wade, david, peter,and chris kelly. i think that not being able to run workouts with them, just because thats how things fell in cross, hurt me. i ran all my track workout last year with ethan and chris wade, but never got to race with them at a meet, that absolutely cannot happen this year. i really want to make this evident to coach.

5. I want to increase mileage. 75 to 80. thats what i'm thinking, so by cross i can go 85-90 maybe. i can handle it. i was durable last track season, and with the knee thing i now know what to look for and how to help avoid it. if i'm going to even run one 10k, i think my mileage must be this high.

6. on that note, i want to run a 10k, but i'm not sure it will be my best event. i love the 5k. favorite event by far, but for all that i've known, the longer the distance (at least on the track) the better i've gotten. if i'm good at it, i can keep going at it, but i just want to know. also, a good race in a 10k could do wonders for my confidence in cross. confidence will help. i don't have good confidence. its weird to admit, but its just not there. its been stripped by some things and was never that strong to begin with. it could be part of the mental puzzle that's incomplete in my head. if i can run a 10k, i can do an 8k for sure.

7. 3k indoor. the only good "race" i had this season, was an unimportant time trial where i had zero speed work, and was still in mileage build up. it was the 2 mile time trial. i think based off that i can run a good 3k, and as the 2 mile was my favorite event in high school, i want to see what i can do in it. i think i will obviously get this chance, as coach won't run people in back to back 5k's, and we have a few back to back indoor meets. but since i think i can be aiming to peak at outdoor conferences, i want to do a little shorter stuff indoor, and see what happens in this race.

8. goals: i want to run all-ohio indoor. with the amount of people who plan on doing 5k, it might be harder to be in the top 3 on the team, rather than hit the time needed... pr in every event i run. simple, but reasonable. i'm much better than i was during every event i have a pr in... 4:30 mile, 8:50 3k, 15:15 5k, 32:30 10k. mile is accessible, but i wont get many shots. 3k is possibly the hardest one, because my pr is a weak one, but 8:50 is fast. 5k is the big one. i want that real bad. i want to make it faster too, but the realistic me is holding back. could adjust with races during season... pr in an 8k during the 10k. the 10k is a tentative guess. not sure how many i would run if at all by coaches judgement, and i dont really know what i'm capable of. also dependent on if i run 10k's... go to both conference meets, and score at one of them. this one could be tricky. the uaa is tough, and i have work to do to get this one, but i think its a very good goal to want. scoring there would probably become my highlight of the season, and another great confidence booster.