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The Glowing Ember/Perhaps a bit of Disillusionment

January 30, 2012 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 35 Dark

Comments:
WU: 3 mi on indoor track
The Medium
2x200 @5k Pace, 200 jog recovery
2x400 @71-72, 400 jog recovery
6x800 Odds@2:30-2:35, Evens@2:20-2:25
2x200 Faster, 200 jog recovery
CD: Veale to Ugly Statue and back (with Paul Z.)

800s: 2:30, 2:21, 2:35, 2:33, 2:32, 2:25 (hit 5/6)

I started off the workout trying to get somewhat comfortable next to Dave and Corey, finding myself running the 200s, 400s and the first 800 in the outer part of lane 2. I wasn't completely comfortable; after all, these were faster than I am used to running. On the second 800, our first fast one, Dave Dixon left to go run part of the mile workout, so I took the inside of lane 1 and led it in 2:21, finishing it feeling somewhat sick and not particularly comfortable. After that I started to go into pouting mode, hanging back on the third one and barely finishing it within the range. I noticed my right knee was starting to hurt some and considered stopping after the next interval if it got any worse. The fourth 800 was not very good. I dropped off Corey and Wyatt to finish it eight seconds slow and rather uninspired. I was on the verge of a mental war with myself, a moment where I started to mentally rip myself apart, but begrudgingly admitted I agreed not to think destructive thoughts this year. I convinced myself to stop worrying at least enough to get myself through the next interval because after all, a 2:35 isn't THAT hard to run. Dave Dixon was back, so Corey went off with him and I ran with Wyatt. I was mentally out of it, but Wyatt cut me off really badly at one point during the interval and I felt a little rush of anger. I decided the best thing to do was to beat him, so it woke me up enough to complete the last two intervals with somewhat less apathetic despair, and I somehow managed to make the last one by sprinting the final straightaway. I had to get off the track to cooldown because my knee was hurting afterward. I skipped lifting and iced and I think it will be fine to run tomorrow.

Well, this was a reminder of just how far I still need to go and a moment of clarity in my spinning of the first couple weeks of the year in search of silver linings. I should not have struggled this much to run only semi-fast 800s and my legs do feel much worse afterward than I think they should. It's been an extremely long time since I've run something this fast and it showed. It really did seem like something of a step backward from last Wednesday's workout. Let's be honest, this type of workout isn't exactly my strength as a runner and never has been. One positive note is that this actually looks much, much better on paper than it seemed like I was doing when I ran it. I somehow managed to make 5/6 intervals.

I have to say I lacked fire today and I'll need to be more "into it" on Saturday and next time we run a workout like this. I had the little slip-up in the middle that was pretty terrible. If there is one silver lining to the mental aspect of this, I did come back to finish it respectably rather than continuing to tank. I at least sort of stood by my agreement not to engage in destructive thoughts. Right now, instead of a burning fire, my will to run looks more like a glowing ember, once a bright fire and could become so again in the future. But, today, it was just a glowing ember. I have a long way to go physically; there's no denying that. Maybe, just maybe, this workout today can help me to rekindle my running fire and galvanize me for this coming Saturday. I've waited three years for this.