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Ticket to the Dance - Team Success - Personal Unsatisfaction

November 10, 2012 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
So, I have waited to log this day because of how I have been feeling about it after the fact. First all of the good,

We did it, that's what finally counts. It doesn't matter how, or in what fashion. We did it, and qualified to NCAAs, which has been the goal for the past 3 seasons. I'm extremely proud of my teammates and am very happy to see what we promised all along, come through.

It was a struggle the past two weeks to keep myself mentally determined for this day. I just had to bury the letdown of not being able to train how/at the level I wanted before the biggest race of my life, and also be as positive as possible about training in every other way possible, which then isolated me from the team. But, I did this. After the Tuesday I found out about the foot, I was in a good place mentally, and believed in myself and all of my goals. On Saturday, and the days before, and on the line, I felt prepared, confident, without worry, and ready to go. The race started and I still felt this same way.

Through a mile I felt good, as I did through 2. After that, my legs just felt flat with no pick-up, and I'm sure my form breakdown with heel striking to compensate did not help. BUT, I did not break down mentally, I kept out the negative thoughts, and fought to hang on the rest of that race. After, it is the most I feel like I have ever battled in a race, to not let it collapse into a bad performance...which I could not do with the bid of my team at stake.


So, in the respect that I gave my all, and did not give up, and made the most of the situation; I feel happy and really satisfied with myself. On the personal side though, finishing 43rd, compared to 16th last year, and going from almost qualifying individually to not being all-region; it is tough to accept and get by with, because I know what I would have been capable of. Being realistic, after the race I will now say that I know the foot limited me, but I did not think this before, or even during. I guess this is just something I will have to get past...but it leaves me hungry for more in a way, but there aren't more seasons left anymore. If I had never got a taste of competing near the top, then I probably wouldn't be bothered. But its where I was, compared to where I am able to now finish that has been frustrating me. Looking back at my race and seeing it is at the pace of what I could do for a split tempo this season, and did for a tempo in the spring, it is hard to just walk past it.

We thankfully have one more race, so we'll see what happens; I'll need to rev myself up again, and being realistic, perhaps go out in the race slower.