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story time with corey

May 12, 2013 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
how hard is it to say something the way you want to say it? hard. so i guess it was a little difficult to see humor in what my log read yesterday from someone else's perspective. sorry to anyone who thought i was in a troubled place. but here's the story behind it if you want to know. oh and i ran today. it was a bit chilly, and i did not approve.

i guess i forgot to name my friend in yesterday's log, his name is greg. but he's my oldest friend, and we haven't been that close since before high school ended. he didnt run, so i saw a lot less of him in high school because i was so close with my teammates. anyway, when trying to explain to each other what's changed about us in college, its sort of funny to look back at how we got to who we are today. i had to try and explain to him why i didn't run this spring. this is no easy story because there's one reason why, but so many factors applied to that. to explain how my decision making in general was less than ideal. and i think it changed me, more than i might like to admit. i've spent a lot of my life coasting. i have a knack for knowing the bare minimum effort necessary to get what i want. running is the only thing i've ever put 100% effort into honestly. and its hard to watch that be the one thing i haven't succeeded in. i was successful in high school, at least by my standards. but that was then. i'm so far from that now. its a little funny at how by junior year in high school i had already left a huge impact on my team even after only running a single varsity race. it wasn't all about being good, i just wanted to be apart of the team. i've said before my high school coach was a very big father figure in my life, and he told me after i graduated that i had more an impact on the whole program than anyone on any team he'd been apart of as a coach and an athlete. that statement is probably one of the things i'm most proud of in my life. and then here at case, quite frankly i've done nothing. not just as a runner but as far as being influential i just don't feel like i've done the same thing. i'd be lying if said i didn't want to be captain, and i'd also be lying if i said that anyone of the seniors including our wonderful captains wyatt and david didn't deserve it for one reason or another, but it just made me realize how i'm not what i used to be. but the part of the story that's important is that i actually like who i am today. i really do. and looking back on what brought me here, its stupid to not in some way enjoy what has gotten me here. its easy to highlight a decision that went the wrong way, but it makes you forget all the good decisions you've made. in the past year i'd made some stupid mistakes involving school, and running, and in life. but i also put more effort into talking with professors, particularly professor de guire, and found something i was interested in doing. and i took a chance asking someone on a date when i had absolutely no idea what she thought of me. and i decided to put more effort into a friendship that is more important than i can put into words. and i made some great freshman friends (who suck at mario kart!). so even though i may have not had all good moments in the past year, i had more than enough. and i think talking about it made me realize what i've had. the end. i'm not "not okay" or anything and i appreciate that some runninglog creepers thought something was up. point being my friend was joking when he said that i fucked up my life. we all make mistakes. tomorrow starts real training!