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Outside looking in

November 4, 2013 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: Chilly

Comments:
Ran to the outdoor track to do repeat 8's. First 400 was 7 seconds slow so I decided to push the workout back and just do an easy run. Jogged down Wade Park to Ansel, did a bit of a loop and came back on Mt. Sinai to MLK. Emil wasn't at practice but the men were taking their heart rates post-tempo so I joined them for a few miles on their cooldown.

This is the part of the season where I feel jealous and a little bit embarrassed. In training I imagined myself as part of the group that would lead this year's team. Clearly that didn't pan out, and maybe I should have predicted it, but I couldn't get myself to shoot for less. I guess the embarrassment comes from the fact that I didn't run up to what I feel I could have. There are a few reasons for that, not the least of which is consistency in base training during the summer.
This year was a little different from the past, because in the past I don't think anyone had expectations for me to be farther up than I was. This year, I had some solid summer mileage behind me, only to run poorly at the time trial. Then, while I ran a PR at Penn State, I wasn't satisfied with my mental approach to the race. Even if I had mentally been at the top of my game, I don't know if I would have been able to make myself a contender for a spot in our team's championship roster because I got sick almost immediately after PSB and went from that to chest pain, and from that into anemia. I definitely appreciate Ethan and Chris being willing to include me in the late-season discussions when they could last year. It was nice to feel like part the team that mattered even though it wasn't to be me who was going out and racing at Regionals. That said, I feel like there's a disconnect this year, and when I joined the top crew for their cooldown today, I felt like an intruder. The regionals crew definitely merit the time to group themselves together while they do their own workouts and I don't plan on running with them on workout days until after the season is over.

More than anything else, the regrets I'll have about running here will be tied to the fact that I never made a conference or regional squad and never got to experience the bonding that occurs when a small group like that is put under pressure to perform for each other. I don't know whether or not I'll get the chance to have people count on my in track (for things such as a point in a conference event, or as a member of a relay team). Past experience says not, but I know that if I don't do everything I can to put myself in that position, I'll wonder for a long time what it would have been like if I had done more. For the time being, that means I need to keep on top of schoolwork and my iron supplements, in addition to staying consistent in training as I build my aerobic system back to normal. My to-do list for now can't include getting misty-eyed about what might have been, and must be focused on doing what I can to make the next six or seven months count.

Stretch
Roll
Hurdle over/unders
Ice bath x 10 min