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PRE + Spfd + Fairmount/Campus + PRE's rock

December 2, 2013 (Night)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 40, cold but clear

Comments:
Pretty good day at work; I was tired, but otherwise on "cloud 9". A lot of smiling and laughing, for sure. :-)

"ChelZ" and I used to text in the AM a year+ ago, and now we're back at it, full-force. It's a great way to start the day. She's up before me 99% of the time, so there's almost always a "good morning" message waiting for me, it's just great.

Pretty easy day at work, then I rushed home. I finished "the write-up" from Sunday night, then jetted out the door for a run. I wanted to go to yoga, but I needed to get this run in, AND Cliff texted me saying he wanted to talk about a "girl question". So he came over at 7, right after my run.

Run was solid, but I was still fatigued...and these asics are dead, for sure. That is always the case when my legs are more trashed at the end of a run than the beginning. No tunes tonight, just the night air, and "Lazy Eye" playing in my brain again.

Did the usual loop; breathing was a little labored at times, but I got my allergy shots again today (after a 5 day lapse), and that invariably tightens the lungs.

So Cliff comes over, and we chat a bit. He actually gave me some good "wingman" feedback from when he and I were hanging with some lady friends a couple weeks ago ("They said you didn't smile enough, and were too serious!"). I agreed - it's good feedback and important "positive vibe" feedback. What I did not say was, on both occasions that we hung out with those women, I had run >3hrs hard both times. It's hard to be super-energetic at those times. BUT, no defensiveness - I'll take it as good feedback.

He asked, "What's new with you?". I just laughed hard for a minute, then filled him in (generally) on Chelsea. He was happy for me, and we both agreed that he can stop trying to "pimp me out" to other women (for sure).

We went to Jackalope and we talked about his "issue": so Cliff is courting (or cavorting with) several women right now (to each, his own). He's "going on dates" with one young woman (who's maybe 23 to his 40?), and he's upset that she's not "putting out": that they go on real dates, are "romantic", but then she makes excuses to leave and be with other people. It's hard for me to hear these "issues" and keep a straight face ("R-really bro?"). But I tried to validate his feelings: that he does care about this woman, and wants intimacy, but I explained that there's probably some wounds for her and she's trying to protect herself. What I did not say was, "Dude, you're sleeping with like...A LOT of other women, WTF?".

We then talk about Melissa, who recently (before he knew about Chelsea) was trying to set me up with (EVEN THOUGH he was trying to "hoard" for himself!). This is obviously off, but I shared with him that just recently - on SUNDAY - she asked me out, via FB. I very politely declined (stating the obvious), but I shared with Cliff my frustration with her:

- She's a nice, fun woman, and a good person. BUT: she's messing around with other guys, like, present-tense!

So then Cliff drops this "BTW" bomb: "Oh yeah, she and I hooked up last week".

Are you kidding me??

I got really irritated by this, because the impression she gave me when we first met a month+ ago is that she was interested in a quality relationship, not a crappy hook-up. Then, she hooks up with one guy. THEN, she hooks up with Cliff...and THEN she asks me out? You're f-ing joking, right?

I tried to explain to Cliff that you can't act like you want a quality experience, yet do stupid shit like that. HE got SUPER-defensive, and tried to argue that it's "OK to mess around, and then WHEN you find something you want, you can stop messing around."

By then, there was no arguing with him, because that's his belief. But I know in my heart that if you want something quality, of value, you have to act that way *all the time*.

I then reminded him of The Mission: "I think the reason you struggle with this stuff, Cliff, is that you're acting in a way that's oppositional to your mission, that what your heart wants (versus what you're trying to "fill" it with) are different".

You can't expect to find gold when you spend your time doing crappy things. The fact that Melissa would even fathom creating a quality experience with me while doing that shit with other guys really bothered me...

...but I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. And I'm hoping Cliff can figure out what he really wants to make him happy, and find some love and peace in his life.

'Til then...I guess there'll be some more interesting stories...