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to yoga (long way) and back

December 9, 2013 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: high 20s, but still cold, snowy/slick

Comments:
Pretty good day - not too many cancels - just enough to "rest".

Very surprised I wasn't a train wreck today, after nearly 8hrs of running, Fri-Sun. Felt good, with only a half-pour of coffee, and only a bit of crankiness.

Got the allergy injections in the AM, then did nothing at lunch, which was good because I wound up getting plenty of strength work at yoga.

The snow here is STILL insane and not going anywhere. In fact, it was supposed to warm *just enough* to temporarily melt it, then re-freeze. Thus, I called Volunteers in Medicine to cancel/re-schedule my patients to next Monday.

That opened up Chels' yoga class to do at 6PM. She said her dad might be there, so that launched us into a mini-discussion about her talking to *her* family about me.

This is a *big* issue for me - I still have a LOT of insecurity about being rejected by her. Still. Even with all the great developments, I haven't yet shaken what my "life" was like for the whole time of our friendship: me trying to impress and "win" her. So now? My fear is that either she doesn't "accept me" and recognize me as "her man" to her people...or that they outright reject me. These fears might be irrational, but they're still there.

I texted her if she had talked to her parents. Her response was, at first (irrational) read, fueled my insecurity: she said that she did tell her parents, but she said she "never defined the terms" of our relationship to her dad, and that she told her step-mom she's "just seeing [me]". She also mentioned that there was another guy that had asked her out about a month ago.

So of course, my first gut reaction was mega-insecurity. But I breathed a bunch, and was mindful (and reread what she said). Calmly, I acknowledged two things:

1.) That we're very lucky with timing - that I "got her" before anyone else did, and she, me. I made a note about Teresa and that (thankfully ending). That was a little insecurity-filled: I felt like I needed to demo to her that I was, in fact, "in demand". That may not be right, but I felt I had to demo my own value.

2.) That it *is* really hard to try to describe the depth of our relationship to other people, since we've put in so much emotional groundwork with so little "presence time" (e;g. we have feelings going back 1.5 yrs, but have only been "together" for, like two weeks!).

That latter point was important, because I need to acknowledge that - even though I SO much want/need her to defend her feelings for me with her world - that it's hard to do, and her world might not understand how she could feel so strongly for "a new guy" only a few months, post-Jefe.

So, that was good. Whew. She wrote back that the other "guy" didn't have a chance versus me. :-)

After work, I hustled home and got my running stuff on. With no VIM shift, I decided to run to yoga, do the class, then run home. I found a longer route that got me 7 miles and got me there just in time.

Felt pretty good: NO soreness, but some fatigue.

Class was PACKED and pretty good: 45min of fast-paced "flow". Her dad was NOT there, which was too bad... Afterward, we chatted a bit but not much, since the "cleaning girl" was still there.

Good class. After I sent her on her way, I ran home for a solid 12 miles.

Had another good pre-bed time chat (with some more good examples of her having boundaries, being unselfish - SO great to hear of these examples of development/growth).

Good day. :-)