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Skinner Run Criterium

February 6, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 20s, snow/ice

Comments:
Interesting day: woke up with a dusting of snow, and it just kept coming, all day: it got heavy by mid-afternoon, dropping about 4-6" of light fluff, then it started to sleet over the top of it. Ugh.

I had big gap in my schedule, anyway, but I managed to be productive. Saw a couple brave patients in the afternoon, then headed home.

Side note: we usually have, at any given time, about 1-3 "student observer": college or post-collegiate folks who need observation hours in order to apply to PT school.

There's a new one, Emelia, who is...SUPER-HOT. UGH. About 5'3", 100, natural blonde...looks like Paris Hilton but prettier (and not trashy looking, or dumb). On top of that, she's a runner and weightliftter...with, like an ASTONISHING ass - almost TOO muscular, like a sprinter.

DOUBLE UGHZ!

I try hard not to be flirty with her but, in "The Game" fashion, it only makes her act more friendly to me! I do act professional, of course, in my interactions, namely when she's directly observing some of my patients, and I try to educate her about what I'm doing. But damn, it's hard to NOT check her out, like, ALL the damn time.

It's an interesting thing. Looking deep within, I can say with no doubt that things are going really well with Chels, top to bottom: our emotional connection, us "clearing debris away", and daily "coupling" interactions are all humming along. There's no significant anxiety for either of us, and I love every second we're together. Moreover, our physical chemistry - both sexually and non - is rapidly improving, which is scary because it's always been "good". The communication we've had, and some of the efforts I've made have paid off handsomely. In short, it's fucking phenomenal.

Which brings me to my two points:

1.) There's an undeniable biology to attraction. We as men must face the facts that we are PROGRAMMED and driven to have sex with as many women as possible. That is a fact. So to experience attraction, despite "what you have", is normal. Interestingly, I don't think that's the same for women, as they are attracted most to the mate that will a.) supply unique genes unlike hers and b.) provide strength, safety and stability. That said, they need not "wander" unless they're not getting those things.

2.) Overt sexual activity begets...well, MORE! After having gone literally 1.5 years without it (and similar dry spells -- nearly two years pre-Becky/Britt, and maybe, egads, FOUR years before grad school??), one might desire it, but the DRIVE is much, much stronger when you're haivng it, I think, because the behaviors are now so routine!

When I spend time at home with Chels, she is stunning and graceful, just moving around the kitchen! She is beautiful and sexy, even in the most simple jeans and hoodie. And, as it happens about 95% of the time, within hours, she's naked in my arms. That's "the new reality".

So the truly interesting thing that I've found is, when (the relatively rare times) when I am attracted to someone - and at this point, the only one who comes close is Emelia - I find myself thinking, after watching HER for a few hours, "Ugh! OK, when do I get to take HER clothes off?"

:-p

It's humorous, but I don't think it's abnormal. We are creatures of biology and of habit. My biology has me primed to desire beautiful women, and my new behavior habit is to be physically intimate, and both come quite easily.

In fact, it is this SAME "HABIT" that drove me to Britt in 2010! It took a great deal of angst, thought and discomfort for me to pull the trigger to become involved with a present (and soon-to-be former) patient, in Becky. But as I was SEEING Becky, along came Britt! And, no doubt, the same thoughts surfaced: attraction and desire to act. So that when things fizzled with Becky, I acted on Britt with relative ease.

I suspect a fair amount of infidelity might arise from this sort of desire/habit combination. Obviously the majority of infidelity is the "repulsion" described in "Getting the Love You Want" (the idea that we reject those we're initially attracted to because we "find out" they will not "save us" from all our problems, as we thought they would). But, especially for a person in my case, "when it rains, it pours": "You have the stink of commitment on you!" You're feeling good about yourself, and that (and there mere fact that you're "taken") is extremely attractive to others. Couple that with the "habit" of aggressively acting with (your) wom[a]n, a strangely powerful - and dangerous - combination of opportunity and easy action develops!

Anyway, some interesting thoughts. Thankfully I have a forebrain, and I understand how incredible and amazing Chelsea is, how truly confident I feel on our ability to love, nurture and heal each other, and how she is, already, one of my best friends. And - of course - that she is fucking hot as shit in so many ways. And, conversely, Emelia is pretty much none of those things (for example, she has that "hot girl ambivalence" that her hotness has let her get away with).


The mother of all fuckups is repression. I refuse to pretend I'm not attracted to other women, and exercises such as these help me to understand them, and put them in their place. And, perhaps provide insight (and entertainment) to BGD.