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PT, then run

February 19, 2014 (Night)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
After the metabolic test, I hustled to Junction City for PT. Mike confirmed what I'd probably known for over a year: I have a SERIOUS issue with stability on the left side: I simply do not "accept weight" worth a shit on that side. This is the cause for ALL my L leg stuff (foot/ankle, knee, quad, hamstring, back). So he did some manual therapy then TONS of strength stuff, including this cool, spring-loaded sliding board where I did "jump training", working on my ability to "land soft"/stable on my L leg. I completely sucked at it, at first, but got better.

Ugh. Between this, the MAF test, and things with Chels...it's been a tough day/week. And it's made me realize how much work I have to do, and how disciplined I need to be, to do things right. I'm just "OFF" right now: inside, and out. And I have to stop/slow down and rebuild things.

Got home, and reluctantly ran a few miles: returned some books to the library then ran home. Really focused on that "strong but light" landing on the L leg. It's surprisingly hard.

Once home, I just felt defeated. But I ate a bit and called Chels. I told her earlier that I wanted to talk tonight, but when I called her, I just wasn't in the mood. But she pushed it, so we did.

We talked for over two hours. And I was blown away at: 1.) how way off I was, and 2.) how spot-fucking-on she was.

- Her "turn off" is about her perception that I'm not being THE MAN she needs. And she's right. I've been dropping the ball: with the little (chivalry-like) things, to the big stuff, like taking charge and planning last Saturday. We talked about how that touches her wound ("not being taken care of") AND that it's the one thing that I really SUCK at. She talked about a lot of stuff that I'm not doing well that she needs, and I agreed with 99% of it.

This totally nails what happened yesterday: I was NOT The Man I needed to be in those situations, either. Damn. I realized how much I need to refocus on that. Because SHE needs that.

How could I lose track of that SO quickly, after we just talked about "things she needs to feel loved"? Fuck.

- I did hammer on her for her "emotional absense" - on how she copes by "pretending". She was flat-out absent, emotionally, from Sat-Mon. And that scared the shit out of me.

Anyway, it was a good convo and recentering for us both. But I need that, BIG-TIME.