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Lithia Park/Ashland

February 23, 2014 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Got up early and out the door at 7ish. Thought about running in Redding but it was like 10AM when I got there, so I figured I'd hammer up to Ashland instead. Stopped for gas at Weed, then rolled into Ashland, parking at Noble Coffee.

Ran EASY uphill to the main drag, then down to Lithia Park. That's such an awesome trail, though there were a lot of folks on it, enjoying the sunny and warm-ish (mid 50s, but felt warm) conditions.

Legs felt good, considering Fri-Sat! Ran to the reservoir, then up the hill to see Prickly Pete, and beyond to get >35min. Had to deuce SUPER-bad, and gloriously there was a random porto-pot! Ran downhill and back into town.

Stopped in RVR to see if there were any fellas there to chat with, but only random chicks all busy with customers, so I ran back to Noble. Went in and got a coffee, and while in there, Hal popped in!

Had a long, random convo with him: about his "cedar hot tub" he's building, and then other stuff, like my UR q's, which got us talking about P2P and race directing. Hal mentioned that he's *writing a book* about ultrarunning, which is interesting!

Chatted for a good 15-20min before we both parted ways.

Drove home...and thought a LOT about Chels. I guess you could say that I felt a lot of anger and frustration. Indeed, a lot of it is wound-fueled sensitivity: of "being rejected" by her last week. However, I feel like what *her* notion of a relationship is flawed: like she's looking for "A Guardian" -- someone who's around when SHE wants him to be, then otherwise is absent...and is really only there for HER needs. That said, there's really no reciprocation other than "incidentals": traditional "womanly" things like "taking care of the house", and, sex. This is a very juvenile version of a relationship: a child and parent relationship.

This is in stark contrast to a *Partnership* or a team: where each person is providing for the other in complimentary ways -- not purely (or even gender) equal, but complimentary, where each person supports and challenges the other. Frankly, I don't think she's ever been in a relationship like that.

And I feel like if she indeed is accustomed to a "Guardian" relationship, she and I will never be on the same page, and I won't get from her the support and challenge I need.

Thought A LOT about that, but also the things I need to do to adequately support her, even if some of those needs might be a little sensitive.

So when I got home, I hustled to return the car, then hauled over to Sportclips to get my mop cut. Obviously inspired by seeing Hal and his man beauty, I was paired with a cute young stylist, and asked for a shorter, "half-hipster" look: supz-short on the sides and back but still quite long on top.

Part of what I feel I've slacked on - and what Chelsea really loves and needs - is me to be more outgoing and engaging. Sooo...I practiced that with my stylist, also a "Chelsea"! Pretty much...I "gamed her", which is to say that I engaged in opening conversations, and performed some "value demonstrations" (asking her about her core values, etc). And, just as it used to, it was both successful (she was "fairly into me" and asking ME a ton of questions about myself), and enjoyable/rewarding to connect in (what I felt like was) an authentic way. Of course, I mentioned MY Chelsea several times, but - you know how that works - that probably only INCREASED her relative interest in me!

On top of that, I felt like, after this weekend in general, I've got a bit of "mojo" back. Good stuff, I think...

Talked w/C before bed, but I didn't mention any of these feelings. I need to see how valid they are before sharing...