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warm-up, cooldown, then solo south EUG

March 6, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Ran 2 miles solo before the track workout, then stood around for :45 watching the mile/K repeats, then cooled down with the guys...then ran solo.

The workout...the FIRST workout of the season: 4xmile, 4min rest. Our top guy, Reilly Bloomer: 5:09, 5:03, 4:4x, 4:37!!! KIDDING ME? Incredibly...awesome/way too aggressive for march SIXTH! Wow... I've never seen a kid throw down like that, in any program I've been at, including UWL.

Cooled down with Reilly, Spencer (little frosh who's running WAYYY too fast for his core stability), and a couple other guys: I figured post-workout might be the only time I could keep up with them and stiff run MAF. Was fun to run and joke around a bit.

After that, I ran solo on my own. Felt GOOD!

That night: talked with Chels. She texted me saying "something felt off"...Damn right it's "off"! All our interactions have been 100% "empty", as I told her in an email preceding our convo.

It was...not a great convo. Her main thesis:

- Our relationship is "too hard" and it "shouldn't be this hard right now": we should still be in the fun infatuation phase. I argued against this, repeatedly.

I talked to her about my issue, and how I think she's looking for a "guardian" rather than a partner: someone who's sometimes around, who she doesn't have to give back to, someone she can keep at arm's length.

When we really dug deep is when I found out that she A.) refuses to refer to me as her boyfriend, B.) doesn't truly believe I can take care of her/"fill that role" of provider/stability, and C.) "doesn't see herself with me".

WOW. This was a heavy, heavy blow. I thought FOR SURE, "Fuck, we're DONE", and I told her that.

After a lot of back and forth, I concluded that what I needed for us to possibly have a chance to stay together is:

1.) that she can call me her boyfriend.
2.) that she believe I CAN be her protector/stability
3) that she CAN "see" (even imagine!) having a future with me!

It was NOT a good convo. It was hard, and I was angry. But reflecting...I was really scared and pre-emptively protecting myself. Not good.

We decided she'd take through Monday (her next counseling appt) to "figure things out" and we'd talk then.

We ended positively and improtantly: I told her I loved her, and how that would never, ever change.

Ugh, this is tough.