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Long Beach Loop, Day 3

March 21, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 65-75

Comments:
Another beautiful one, and another nice morning run. Didn't feel too sore, but the HR reflected the stress of the run...and the stress of what seems to be a developing cold/upper respiratory deal. Ugh. Some coughing in the AM.

Did three slow, easy laps and a few strides, once again. I need to be consistent with these!

Felt TIRED the rest of the day - allergies were crazy today, but I felt better with a coffee in town. In the afternoon, I went for a nice walk with my sis and Josie - REALLY GOOD to spend time with both those ladies. I think Josie really likes me, which rocks. :-) Brandie asked me several Q's about Chels this week, but it was tough to really get deep into it.

Thought about her a lot more today, and I think I began to realize a little more of where she's coming from...that all her SHIT was based on HER fearing rejection. She TOLD ME, in early December, how she "realized just how much you could hurt me by decided that you didn't want to do this anymore".

Well, I think a ton of things made her feel like I *might* reject her:

- when my sis rejected her in late December (which I think 100% motivated her to think it was "OK" to go out with Ernie in early Jan)
- when she was forced to confront the Ernie issue with me (she said she "hoped I could just bury it")
- when I told her about MY eating issues, and she feared being rejected IF she told me hers

After ALL that stuff? It was just a cascading downward spiral of fear for HER:

- me being insufficiently outgoing/masculine: around her friend and family
- me being insufficiently affectionate toward her

So all that SHIT, the:

1. not calling me BF
2. not thinking "I could fill that role" of MAN
3. not seeing a future together

was ENTIRELY fear-based, not on the reality of who *I* am or even who she truly feels ME to be.

Thought about that a lot today, and it got me down once again, thinking about where we're at now, compared to where we've been...

The rest of the day was OK: had dinner once more with the whole family, then went to bed early for a long-ass travel day.

Overall it was a good trip: good family time, good running, good weather, good relaxation.