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bike from EUG

March 22, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Bike

Weather: 60, sunny

Comments:
HELLA-long day. Like, sufferfest-ly long.

We had to wake up at 0200 CDT. I slept shitty then, at 12:45 CDT, I could NOT fall back asleep: just a lot of anxiety (traveling, anticipation...but also Chels) that I could not turn off. On top of that I was congested and coughing, so I was just waiting for the minutes to tick off 'til it was time to wake up.

Mom got up just before 2 and everyone was all packed before 3. Though we were all going to the airport together, I said full goodbyes to my sis' family, as we'd be in different gates. And...we were off.

The drive was OK. Mom chatted with me, as is the new custom on the drive to the airport. I think she realizes it's her last chance to talk to me before I'm gone again. I wasn't in a chatty mood, but it was OK. Ate a bunch of vegetables we had leftover to keep me awake, otherwise.

Got the car returned BEFORE 4:30...and my flight didn't leave til 7! Fuck! I parted ways with Mom/Billy and was once again on my own. Did NOT sleep in the terminal, just roamed and did random shit on my phone...which I did WAY too much of this week.

Finally boarded before 7, but I found out I didn't have a window seat! Damn! I usually get a window so I can put my head against it and sleep on the early AM flights, but apparently dropped the ball. Slept a BIT on this flight, but otherwise was in this weird mix of fatigue + restless anxiety. I think this is not unique amongst travelers.

Got to Denver and ate a bunch. After having thought about Chels more, I decided I'd write out some notes of things I'd like to say/write her. That's when I realized, fully, that she really did feel like SHE was being abandoned. So, despite my desire to let her go and leave her be, I sent her a text - the first one in like ten days - just letting her know how I feel: that I love her and miss her a lot. Then - after another HOUR+ delay - got on the plane.

The final flight was OK: had a nice flight attendant and was able to read/write a bit. And got a terrific cloudless view of central Oregon on the approach, including the entire Waldo course, which was cool. Finally, just before 3, we touched down.

As we did, my phone flooded with built-up data, including a reply from Chels: "Hey there! Can I get my bike pump back please?..."

Often the texts will come back out of order in this data rush, so I wasn't too alarmed...until I realized that WAS HER REPLY. Jesus Christ, are you kidding ME??

It didn't thrust me into a panic attack, but it was like this awful punch to the gut. I was just floored. "Really? This is your response?" My mind raced, trying to formulate a response of any kind: what do I do, what do I say? What the FUCK???

Thank fucking god for BGD, because I just needed some support - though he had no magical solutions, he took down my emotions a few notches, which I was grateful for, AS ALWAYS.

The bike ride home was mercifully easy: it was warm and sunny, AND though windy, it was ENTIRELY at my back, so I was rolling >20mph with ease. My HR was jacked with a normal effort - DUH - so I kept it easy....