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pre-run + Cliff's crazy hunt!

March 25, 2014 (Night)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 50, on/off rain

Comments:
Another long, caffeine-free day! No openings, but no coffee!

After work, I stuck around and did some strength training. NO practice for me this week, as it's HS spring break, and the kids are either running on their own, or meeting around noon.

Around 5ish, I got to Lewis' house and did some pre-run. Felt a little sluggish, but chugged along in the damp evening, running south to Powerline trail, taking that up to Fox Hollow and back to Lewis'. Had to do a fair amount of walking to keep the HR at 130.

Got to Lewis' for a rare Cliff-led hunt. His hunts - though sparse - are ALWAYS eventful. Tonight? We would up at a fucking shooting range! Took us forever to get to the range, out on I-5 and 30th (nearly 5 miles?), and once we were there we were all soaked from the drizzling rain. But it was still a blast.

Cliff set up a competition in a "group" shooting room: we each had four rounds: two on the practice target, then two on a scored circular target.

I went first, which sucked, because I got no tips or feedback from anyone else. The Glock was light with little kickback, but I was "too anticipatory" and jerked it low, both times. As such, I only scored a 6. Dan-O and Mr Endicott tied for first, scoring 18 (close to bullseyes from about 20ish feet away). Good times!

By the time we were done, it was >8PM and it was dark, windy and pouring rain. Some of the 10 of us started running past and the rest piled into Cliff's car (which he left at the range) to get back to Lewis'.

FUN STUFF!

*****

One of my Lenten sacrifices is to "not act on insecurities". This is a tough one, but I'm not quite sure the following counts:

Since things are so DONE with Chelsea, I feel like I really want to use the motivation and momentum of being "Free and single", as well as the frustration of being rejected and - in my opinion - truly undervalued and under-appreciated - and use it toward interactions with other romantic interests.

I'm really not super-interested in hooking up - or even trying to start something - with total randoms. I like having some association first. Two women in particular in this range:

Tanya: she's an office staff employee at the clinic, hired on about 4 months ago. She's "older" (38?) and - as I found out - a single mom of one. But she's got a pretty great body: curvacious, with long, dark hair that pairs well with deep blue eyes. It's pretty clear that she likes me: constantly looking my way walking through the clinic during the day, little flirts here and there. This became more evident (and both conscious/unconsciously reciprocated) over the past two months. I have zero clue what she's looking for, but I am definitely interested. There's some danger there - her working with me EVERY DAY - such that if things turned sour, it could be bad, and affect a lot of people.

EMELIA. You might recall my missive on Emelia, which I penned just after the Beginning of the End with Chels (http://running-log.com/workouts/2197151?athleteid=45) - my attraction UNDOUBTEDLY fueled by the withdrawals/rejection when she started questioning my assertiveness/passion.

I've known Emelia for a few months: she and I chatted quite a bit early on, and, in January, was sure to mention my girlfriend several times: not necessarily to deter her, but - if anything - to develop "social proof". Social proof is an ENORMOUSLY important concept in dating and attraction: women NEED to know that you're both safe and desireable, and that is best done when they SEE you with other women, or other people they trust. Think the Seinfeld "Widower George" episode: "I have the stink of commitment on me!"

That said, I felt like I needed to go for it with one (or both) of these women, for the following reasons:

- To capitalize on the momentum and motivation that I have, to prove to myself my own self-worth -- that it's not my inadequacy as much as it's Chelsea's shit

- To fill the emotional void in my life the past month+ with both intimacy and acceptance/validation. I've had scarcely any of that in the past month.

- To make sure that I don't slip further into despondancy: that is what happened after my break-ups with Britt and Chels (as I call it) in 2012. I feel like that despondancy and vacuum of intimacy had a HUGELY NEGATIVE effect on my life and even my physical function in 2013.

So, today, I saw Emelia for the first time in two weeks. Over the past couple months, I've shifted into "Game mode" with her: essentially "non-flirting" by either: ignoring her, or teasing her. Again, it's about being different and not putting them on a pedestal. Ultimatley PEOPLE want others in their lives that are able to be GIVERS and not takers. When you put anyone on a pedestal, they feel like you're AFTER something.

I want Emelia, Tanya all women to WANT ME, and to want the legitimate, valuable things *I* have to offer. And I, too, want to be a giver. But in that process, I GET that intimacy. Win-win.

Among the things I constantly give Emelia shit about are:

- not having a job (she's a UO grad from last summer/fall?)
- being lazy (e.g. not having a job, and kind of "lazing around" when she's observing, which is funny)
- wearing a fanny pack when she runs

So when we were in the breakroom together, I gave her shit about work: "Do you have a JOB yet?". Her answer surprised me: Yes, she does! She just got a job in Portland and is moving at week's end!

Bingo.

It was time to act: one, because she's leaving, and two, because she's leaving! I need to go for it, since she'll be gone; and two, if I go for it and it blows up, there will be no awkwardness, as she's not going to be back again.

I then give her shit about her fannypack, and when I get to see it (Serz, women are truly wearing around fanny packs now, WTF?). Without hesitation, I tell her (tell, not ask) that we should go out after her last day on Thursday so she can show "us" (social proof) her fanny pack. She agrees, immediately!

It's on.

To make this more legit, I ask around if anyone else wants to go out. Turns out, it was just Cooper's birthday last week, and it's another office staffer, Trina's birthday Friday (50ish? but super cool).

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, I cement home "commitment" by asking coworkers if they'd like to go out for happy hour on Thursday, and that Emelia (who was standing nearby) is going to show us her fannypack.

So...it's ON, I think. Stay tuned... ;-)