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Hardesty Up/Down

May 21, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: mid-70s, nice

Comments:
CRRRRAAAAAZY DAY. First, the run:

No AM run today: was up too late for the hunt, and I was planning on doing the Hardesty Wednesday. Denise Bourassa FB'd me last minute last night about getting in to see me, but I had zero openings and, honest? I didn't want to work even later - and blow my Hardesty run - to see her. I figure, if she REALLY needed to be seen, she would've given me more than a few hours heads up.

Hauled out to Hardesty for an up/down. Dan-o had gone there last week and threw down a fucking 58-teens, and then, a couple days later, some dickhead took down my strava CR (on the opening 3mi), so I figured I'd "give it a push" tonight.

Did a good kilo of slow jog warm-up and wore the SI belt to keep things together.

Then, I pushed. I ran pretty hard from the start and quickly got my HR to 160 (often it takes a good mile to get it up there). My first two splits were super-promising, making a sub 60 possible.

The HR on sections 4-5 was TOPPING 180, but the weird thing was, it didn't feel super-hard! It makes me wonder just how high my HR was in the years past when I did these "medium hard" Hardestys.

I was dismayed when I hit the start of the 5th segment in 51:xx...I figured I'd blown it, but I somehow logged a 8min last section for a 59:00.

Avg HR? 173!

On the down, I went slow: to preserve my back and ankles. A normal is :40, my PR a 36:40. Today? 44+. But it was muddy...

Felt pretty good! REALLY focused on strong pelvis and symmetrical hips on this run, and I think it paid off. Even was thoughtful on neck/shoulder posture, which was key.

*****

So...things with Tanya took an outrageous turn today. Again, the flirting is pretty extreme. I'll be up in the front office, finishing paperwork, or looking at the schedule, and she will stand almost 'on top of me', and frequently having some part of her body -- hands, arm, legs, hip, even chest -- touching my body. It's insane. Then, on top of that, she's texting me messages that are *beyond* suggestive.

I don't think it's a "shit test" - like she's playing with me, just for fun. But if it is, I felt like I needed to "make a statement": e.g. that I'm not kidding around, that I'm into her, and and willing/"able" to "lead her". I think that alpha-male assertiveness is important. That...and if she's wondering if I'm capable of that "assertive affection", I felt like I needed to prove that.

There was a FILM CREW doing Youtube videos for a semi-pro soccer team up in the main gym during my lunch, so that was a perfect time for me to be down in the basement...and for her to "find me" down there. I texted her to "come down stairs" (didn't ask, I told), and went about my workout.

She arrived a good 20 minutes later (not sure why it took her that long, maybe she was nervous?), but when she arrived, I was way in the back of the basement, doing horizontal rows in the farthest room back. When she came down, she was blushing: it was cute.

She came over and chatted, and I stopped my workout.

I asked her when she'd talk to her boyfriend again: she said this weekend. I then told her that - soon, maybe by next week - that I would have to stop flirting and texting her completely until she got things figured out.

But I'm not sure those statements were well-absorbed, because as I told her those things, *my hands were ALL OVER HER*.

At first, I'd approached her from behind, my chest and hips against her back, and put my hands on her shoulders, gently sliding them down her arms to her hips. On the way up, they wandered softly across her chest. She then turned to me, and I drew her in even closer. She could definitely "feel me" against her, as I continued with my slow-wandering hands: up, down, and around. She exhaled deep, but shuttered sighs, betraying a trembling excitement.

There might've been some more chatter, but it was all lost in our touch, as my fingers slid just barely inside the waist of her pants, around to her backside, then beneath her shirt to her low back, which tensed and arched to the touch. I drew her even closer.

I brought my face painfully close to hers, but my nose and mouth detoured to her neck and ear.

But there would be no kissing. While what I was doing was clearly across the line, a kiss - albeit a simple (and, compared to my hands, a rather minimal) contact - has enormous symbolism.

It lasted just a couple minutes, but that exchange - the culmination of literally months of built-up attraction, was hot as hell. Now she knew what I wanted, and that I was capable of *taking* what I wanted.

BUT...I want to do it the right way.

I'm not sure what I want: do I want a relationship, or simply to be with someone for a while? I think the latter, and right now, that's all my heart can trust. BUT...just because I'm NOT particularly interested in a committed relationship - and DEFINITELY OK/interested in something more casual right now from her - doesn't mean I am willing to crush someone else's commitment in my pursuit of that. I feel this [annoyingly] strong fiduciary obligation to do what's best for everyone: not just me, but her, her daughter, and this other guy. What a buzz-kill.

Nevertheless...is was pretty nuts. :-)