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South Eug + Baldy x1

November 12, 2014 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 45, cold but dry!

Comments:
First COLD morning of the year: below freezing, but dry and sunny. Really beautiful.

BUSY day: no openings, three evals...but a cancel right before lunch, which was appreciated.

I was a little tired today, and SORE in my left lateral foot. The viceo is pretty clear: I'm narrow as SHIT when I run fast. Ugh. So heavy emphasis on stride width and ball-of-the-foot loading today. :-< The legs were heavy but otherwise not a ton of trash - just some hamstring and glute soreness.

Ran easy to Baldy, again. My HRM's been MIA all week: I keep forgetting to look for it -slash- get it from my other bag, so I had to go by feel today. This was annoying, because I wanted to run up Baldy WAY easier and see what I'd split.

Last week I noted that I'm getting FAST going up there, but the HR is high. True fitness is:

- The same pace with a lower HR
- The same HR, but faster pace

Simply running faster with a more jacked HR simply means you've learned how to push harder. Worthless in the long run, because "harder" is seldom sustainable.

So I was determined to go E-Z up Baldy, which I didn't think would be a problem, since I was tired.

Anyway, really worked on hip-loading (butt back but also a little less knee flexion = less quad+calf stress). Breathing was very controlled and the HR didn't seem outrageous. Got to the top...in 10:15! Very close to an all-time best, WTF? Huh...

My fav thing to do up there, now, is to just sit for a couple minutes and overlook town. What a gift, at 2PM on a Wednesday! Overcast, but good visibility at ~1200'. So lucky for this opportunity.

Pushed the descent a bit since I'll be getting nearly no vert this week.

PM:

- Got an email from Meredith Terranova. She's got strep throat and can't come to RWB camp this weekend. This sucks because A.) she rocks, and B.) she asked ME to give her nutrition talks all weekend. Honestly, I was hoping to just relax and be a Dickhead all weekend, but now it's time to step up. Shouldn't be a big deal.

- Charlotte finally texted me back today. Man, she's stalling like crazy. But she was friendly and inquisitive, so we had a mini-text fest after I finished with work. Again, I tried to invite her to meet up (low pressure, "Hey, I'll be [here], swing by", but no dice. #treadinglightly

- Read a LONG, exhaustive (in many ways) story on Outside called "Unprotected", which is an expose on sexual abuse of young girls in USA Swimming. Not sure how I found it, but, ugh..

...and I got a strange, but compelling thought: I think maybe, MAYBE, Kaci was abused when she was a kid.

The main story in the article was about a young girl who was raped by her swimming coach, and it talked about the shame she felt for having this fucking piece-of-shit rape away her virginity. It talks about a lot of the victims, many of whom turn to disordered eating and other crude coping techniques to deal with the shame, which a precious few are willing to admit, publically.

The reason I think so, is that, I guess it's striking how up-front she was about her sexuality. It was almost as if she was trying to CONVINCE me, rather than simply being honest.

Shit, I was a virgin 'til I was 23, and I barely told anyone - INCLUDING my girlfriend at the time, who, let's just say, "found out" at the moment we first had sex.

My point is, she almost went out of her way to tell me, "I'm a virgin". Then, as we progressed, physically, it was more of the same: like she was trying to convince me that she'd never done those things...like she was trying to un-do something.

It's difficult to articulate, but...ugh. That's my gut feeling. The way she BURIES things, the way she constantly blames herself, and self-punishes - yet, at the same time, has such a TOUGH time with ANY criticism - makes me think she had a very abusive, controlling relationship with an older man at some point...well beyond a couple crappy boyfriends a few years back.

That thought makes me really sad, but there's nothing (right now) that I can do about it. If that is true, or if anything along those lines exists, only she holds the key to unlock that vault.