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Hardesty Constitutional...ugh

June 5, 2015 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Busy, stressful day. Just feeling a little "off". CA picked me up from work to hit up Hardesty, to get in a solid long run into the weekend.

I've been "off" for a while...could be allergies, but in some respects, I've just been feeling smothered by Callie. I feel like she won't let me be moody, or even allow me to be tired or feel off, and I feel like I'm constantly having to be "ON" around her.

I didn't say a whole lot on the drive out, but once we summitted Hardesty - a slow, easy ascent in about 74 - I told her: I feel smothered, and I feel like she's putting all her eggs in one basket with me: doing EVERYTHING with me, no one else, and how that conjures up bad memories and experiences with Britt, etc.

The rest of the run...sucked. She does what she does: mull on it, silently for a LONG time, then we talked: a little at the halfway point, then a lot more at the end.

...then a TON more that night.

Long story short: we have a trust issue, still, in our relationship. She STILL doesn't believe that I care for her as much as she does, me, and that makes her feel insecure (and try to get "more love" out of me). She even said that "I didn't believe you" when I told her I loved her for the first time last week. Ugh.

Overall...it was an important chat. Let me know what I needed to do, but likewise for her.

The run:

- easy up Hardesty (74, low HR)
- moderate (fast descending) to the halfway, and increasingly warm
- quick water at the spring, then I realized we'd be cutting it real close for my haircut appt
- had to GRIND the last hour or so (19:00 for the 3mi on the road, fast-ish on Goodman).