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Caution

April 23, 2017 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Ran for the first time in almost a month, and for the first time in a year and half with Jay Habib. It felt good, and my foot held up fine, but I'm nonetheless nervous about the future.

I was looking forward to trying running today, but some admonitory words from both Zeke and Nick Lehman dampened the mood of the occasion. They independently implied that I should take more time, even another three weeks. But in addition to being one of the greater logistical annoyances here at Williams, cross training discipline fades away quickly the minute there's a setback; between not running, eating pizza, and socializing, I think I will have my first real hole--mental at the very least--to dig myself out of.

I'd like running to be what it was a few months ago, but after the situation with the track team, and my glass left foot, I'm losing my patience. I spoke to Zeke the other day saying I feel as though I quit running, which isn't true, but not having a meet, a practice or a coach have been bothering me more than I even realized or cared to admit. Surely I must be getting real karma for all the time I've spent making fun of cross training.

In the long term, this is not quite the outcome of running in college I would have predicted or hoped for in high school. But then when I think of the cross country season to come, my last chance in college running before vanishing into the southern hemisphere, and another chance to finally get summer training "right" or close to it, I realize that there is ample motivation remaining, and an 8k PR still to be reached. But I'm scared. I'm scared about starting again, because I just don't want to be injured; Even so, I'm equally scared of not starting again. Two intelligent people already told me what they think, but I just didn't want to listen to it a few hours ago, but now I think that maybe I had better redouble my cross training efforts, and leave running until next month.

So after mulling things over further, I find myself in the bedeviling position of having to motivate myself not to run; in other words, I have to get a shovel before I start digging myself out, to ensure that this problem is dealt with before the summer--and since I'm going to be in Rome for five weeks, I don't even know how that's going to take shape. Ugh indeed.