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16x 100m strides at RFHS

June 30, 2017 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 70s, nice

Comments:
LATE night last night, and didn't sleep too well. I got up quick, pounded some of my mom's terrrrrible (like, chemically-flavored hazelnut?) coffee, then hit it for a run.

Felt stiff and craaaaapy. Still sick? Maybe. Ran to the track, with the idea of doing long intervals, but, 2.5 miles in, I felt equally shitty, but I was intent on doing *something*. So after some stretching and drills, I decided to do 8 laps of sprinting the straights, and jogging the curves.

Nice morning: just perfect warmth and sun, but not too much humidity. Didn't matter for that short of reps.

Really focused on opening things up: that tough "old guy" balance of hip drive, forward lean, and back arch. Super hard.

Secondarily:

- right leg push (and right arm forward, left elbow back)
- pawback

Didn't do a great job with the feet, as a result, but still felt decent. It was surprisingly hard!

After 8 laps of that, I jogged through campus and back to the house, just under 9 miles.

Rest of the day:

- quick breakfast
- quick hello (and goodbye) to Billy
- drove to St Paul and had a great stride coaching session with Michelle, one of my MPLS coaching clients
- drove north!

So side note:

After WSER, and my moment with KacR on Cal Street, it became extremely evident that I needed to bury the hatchet.

Yes, she was nice when we came up on her ("Bring him home"!)
Yes, she was super nice and encouraging with Nate, who thudded into his lowest low of the day on Six-Minute Hill
Yes, she was super nice and chatty with me, congratulating me on the business, talking about MY running ("the mile race"), and anything else she could squeeze in before she and Migz pulled away

But what killed me was, when I looked back as they reeled us in, when she looked at me. She looked sad. Hurt. Not from the day, but from ME.

Now, am I overly self-absorbing? Maybe. But that's what I saw.

And it killed me.

She's not *supposed* to care about me. She is *supposed* to be pissed off at me: the guy who challenged (if not condemned) basically her entire life (running, Miguel, her selfishness).

I think it took until that moment to realize, "Well, no shit, she hung up on you! What else could she do?"

So...after she faded up and over six-minute hill, I did a lot of reflecting. In fact, after Nate took a serious (and necessary) breather atop the hill, and we got down and through Cal 3, I proceeded to tel him The Whole Story about us, and how things ended.

I think doing that, helped me reflect, for the first time, on how our last conversation affected her.

Now, I don't regret the break-up. And in fact, I went on to talk about how great Callie is, because -- while she has her issues -- she's able to communicate her insecurities with me, rather than bottle up (and-or wrap them into some dysfunctional behavior). That's why we will work, and Kaci and I won't.

But...it still doesn't mean that the current status with Kaci and I is OK. Not talking to her is only a constant punishment, or in the least, super-immature by me. I'm tired of "running off" every time I see her (like I did, for the 3rd goddamn year in a row, working an AS at WSER).

So...I decided to bury it.

I texted her (had to look up her number in my gmail!) on Monday, and on Tuesday, we began to communicate back and forth. I didn't mince words or f around: I told her I wanted to call.

So, about 30 minutes out of Eveleth, I got the green light to call. And I did.

It was super-hard to dial the numbers, and - out the gates - initally awkward, but after that? Almost anti-climatic.

I apologized for how I handled everything:

- that last conversation (and how it wasn't exactly fair to unload on her like that)
- how I've acted since
- how I've victimized myself, when really, it was about ME feeling rejected by her inability to mold to my wants-needs (1. Don't train more than *I like, 2. Don't hang with a creepy married-ish guy, 3. Don't be a selfish, controlling weirdo) -- not that those aren't valid.

But my feelings were more about MY rejection that what SHE actually did. And from that, I made MYSELF the victim.

Then, without hesitation, SHE apologized for hanging up on me.

Game over.

Huh. So...that's it.

More hashing, then we moved on. Talked about some WSER, some future running plans, and I asked about her Grandma (who, having essentially raised her from birth, is now battling cancer).

It was a good convo. Weird. Anti-climatic (if not devoid of drama). Dunno where it will lead, but at least I'll be friendly with her.

Doesn't mean she's not a weirdo and I won't be weirded out (-annoyed) by her Shit, but with many folks, you can't throw out the baby with the bath water. She's a fundamentally GOOD person, and I sure hope she's around the sport for a long time. And most of all, I would HATE that if something bad happened to her (be it some personal crisis, or a fall from running heights) and I'm somehow celebrating that, or can't (or won't) do anything to help.

So...that convo wrapped just as I got into town.

Rest of the night:

- hooked up with my cousin Matt (Monnnty, with the loud chopper gloves at WSER)
- drove up to my uncle's cabin together
- got there at 7ish, to meet my uncle, my cousin in law Pat and his boy, Jack
- BEERS IN THE CABIN.

GOOD day.