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Hello From the Future

April 9, 2019 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
So here goes backlogging this meet. I wonder if anyone will ever go back a week to read it. If you are, hello. :)

Ran the 16 at STA. They were running ahead of schedule, so we didn't have enough time to do all the standing dynamics/any striders which was a bad call on my part, but I felt warmed up enough anyway. Nice big group of hoppers in it. Honestly, at this point, I can't totally remember the step by step happenings of this race, but it was a really good one until the end. I really wanted to PR (6:40), but made the mistake of planning the splits I wanted to hit to get me to exactly 6:40 assuming I would hit them perfectly. I somehow was running running them exactly on the splits that I'd intended and with 200 meters left to go was in perfect position to PR. And then, my inner loser triumphed. I didn't exactly actively slow down, but I had this whole inner half conscious half subconscious debate about whether could/should/would PR and I didn't kick hard enough. I could have PR'd. I know that. But I didn't. And it was still a good race. I finished one second off of my PR with exactly even lap splits, but I was immediately angry at myself. I've done this multiple times before—screwed up a perfect race for a stupid reason, and I'm not really sure why I keep doing it. I can't figure out if it's that it's easier to be mad at myself than proud or if I'm uncomfortable with being celebrated or what, but it's frustrating and I'm not sure how to stop myself from letting the self-doubt emerge in the moment (except speaking from future me, I do next Saturday!). Got some good support/advice from Matt and Anthony after which was nice. I think it's good I'm logging this a few days later because I have some perspective, and it would have been a much more self-hatred-y log if it was a few days ago.