View Workout (Joe Uhan)
OTHS weights
February 3, 2022 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Weights
Comments:
Good strength session + sauna
Saving running for later today...
...but didn't. Drove to OTHS to run after work, dressed, got on the treadmill, but quit after one minute.
TIRED. DEPRESSED.
Also had some left forefoot pain.
So I bagged it and went home.
Tough day.
I feel like all these days are SO HARD. Like there's no hope. Or, there is, but it's SO far away.
It's over with Callie. Thank God that, at present, our (friend) relationship is OK and intact.
But I love Juliet. It gets "worse", daily. But - as I did with Chelsea - I just have to let go. I do recall letting go...but I don't remember how LONG it took to do so. What I do remember: I was a fucking emotional wreck that entire spring and summer of 2013.
I don't want to go back to that: the behavior, at least. But I feel like I'm there. Just sad, empty, and deeply longing.
I should feel sad and empty about Callie. I do, to a degree. It IS sad. And I pray for her nightly: to find peace, joy, love and strength.
But, I love the hell out of Juliet. And I know she loves me. But...she won't, she can't, and...it isn't.
So here I am.
At this point, my focus is on:
1. "A day at a time". Just execute each day, do good, create, build, and work toward tomorrow. Then put it away.
2. Keep building. Keep doing good, so that IF it happens, I'll be in a good place.
3. Keep perspective. Know I'm "in it" and avoid the emotional acting out and turmoil of being "in it". Medicate and sooth in healthy ways.