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Chat w/JSG

May 24, 2022 (Night)

Exercise Type: Walk

Weather: dark, extreme quiet

Comments:
Juliet texted me this evening: she found some pics of me online (demonstrating hip hinge exercises).

Our boundary has been blurred. It's my fault: after the dramatic (every 3 weeks-ish) email exchanges, I let go of that and sent a trio of messages last week: mostly (but not entirely) professional.

Then, last Thursday, I texted her pictures from Yampa Valley Kitchen, using the gift card she generously gave me (for $50!) way last fall.

I shouldn't have...but I needed her to know how generous that was AND that they were (finally) used: literally the last event in the Steamboat chapter.

So...she texted me tonight. A fun, "friendly" text.

I agonized about it for a couple hours. Now what>?

Finally, around 10:30 or 11, I broke down and replied. And I said, in addition to apologizing for blurring lines, that I don't know what to do. I shared other things: how I've been feeling, what I'd want to do, but how we can't because "nothing has changed".

She replied with a barrage of questions and statements. So, rather than continue the tedium of text back and forth, I offered to call.

So I did. And while chatting, I walked.

Wound up with over 3 miles around town. It's funny. In each section of the walk, I remember what we talked about. Topics included:

• opening (can't remember entirely: other than "I miss you" and "I think about you daily" - big admissions)

• the idea of "limerance" - and my rebuttal that our stuff is not that

• my latest email and the "Zack diss", but how I was right about 4 of 6 (or 5 of 7) of my issues with him.

• her contention that it's less about Zack and more about me (wanting to be in Zack's pace). Again, something I endeavored to refute, and strongly!

I really was passionate about this.

• how Zack can "be there, but only when it's convenient for him". And, when things are hard, he's unreliable (if not a liability). She might've admitted this to be true

• some rehashing of his flirtation with the other woman (and my relative rage on that topic)

• more on Zack: how even Curtis' alarms go off around him. ABD, best of all, Malea, one Juliet's BFF's, has been vocal for her to end it with Zack. (Amazing courage).

• Love vs Trust: big one. I told her that earning her trust was most important for me

• "Waiting". That, somehow, we're even closer than 4 months ago (SF), and even closer, still than 4 months before that (Steamboat!). Even with distance, even with severe silence, there's not only connection but it's growing.

• How I'm not happy, but I'm at peace. And I'm learning to be patient

There's others stuff: she generalized about some of her feelings, former relationships (Josh: "I knew six months in that he was wrong, but we were together for 5-and-a-half years"), and how I make her feel.

It was a good chat. More honesty and clearer communication on both ends!