View Workout (Joe Uhan)
OFF - yoga, meditation, but no run or strength
August 1, 2022 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Other
Comments:
Busy work day: 4 clients in the AM, 2 in the PM.
Brain was pretty scrambled so I didn't get much done, mid-day.
PM: long chat with Jules. Summary:
• trip to ABQ was good.
• no big chats with friends (her two BFFs weren't present, and one wasn't very engaged)
• had a chat/meeting with Zack. Per what she said:
- "he said all the right things" (seemingly: being more supportive, not being a fuckhead, etc)
- "he offered that maybe we should get engaged", to which SHE "LOL'd"!
then she said:
- "I just don't feel connected to him anymore"
We then got into us. And where I was at. I told her how much I was struggling with "the uncertainty" -- of whether or not she's going to stay with Zack.
I vented, a little, without getting angry:
• how I feel like my unconditional support of (and "loving on") her actually bolsters Zack. It papers over his shortcomings...and demotivates her from making a change
• how I feel a little unappreciated: because, since I can't help it, I act like her boyfriend, yet she cannot act like my girlfriend (with the exception of WSER weekend)
• how it's actually been EASIER to not communicate: to detach from the longing, and be able to "live my life" (if not "move on"), while she's making this decision
and,
• how I was prepared to wait a lot longer, but that would also mean canceling all my travel plans, including next week's South Bay visit AND the following week's Steamboat visit: "I can't go, if you're not free. I can't."
This is where she chimed in.
She claims that she's intended on parting ways with Zack, and thought I knew that.
I did not. Especially because she's repeatedly said, "I'm not sure / I don't want to hurt either of you", or something to that effect.
That was news to me. It was encouraging to hear, but I'm still cautious.
She then said that the SOLE motivation for the Steamboat trip, which she proposed in early May(!), was to SEE ME. That was a big surprise. And that she was alarmed that I'd so quickly bail on that trip.
We chatted around a few more things, but I told her of a couple "refunable" deadlines for the upcoming trips: this Sunday (for South Bay, 11-14th) and the following Wednesday for Steamboat.
So....wow. It might actually happen this weekend.
It's been a challenge to not get my hopes up.
Slept well after that convo.