View Workout (Joe Uhan)
Drive to Teton (HUGE FIGHT with Jules)
September 19, 2022 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Other
Comments:
Got to the beginning of Grand Teton NP around 8:15, just when we agreed to chat. Incredibly, she wanted to Facetime.
It was bad. She started off pissed, and I was like the perfect storm
• 100-mile fatigued
• all-day driving fatigued
• had one beer (too many)
• was triggered and frustrated AF!
She was immediately pissed, and me, defensive. And that's where we spent most of this "talk"/argument: mutally in the "one-up" (gradiose/angry/rigtheous) position:
• she: I was an enormous asshole for sending such a "hateful" message, which was unnecessary and cruel. And it was a "dealbreaker". ("I ALMOST blocked you on everything..." Well, why didn't you then?)
• me: overall just super-pissed and frustrated at her withdrawal and abandonment of our relationship. Such fucking bullshit, based on nothing.
I could go into details, but it's hardly worthwhile. She was able to accept that the purpose of that letter was:
A. To identify ALL the ways her codependency has affected me, and
B. To not that I CANNOT keep doing, for ANOTHER goddamn year, the fake-boyfriend role and making up for Zack's fuckery.
But in our chat, it became clear that it was less about going back to Zack and more about her snowballing fears of being in a relationship with me:
1. "Younger women"
2. "Don't know your faults" ("You're never wrong" in relationships)
3. Age difference
It was rough, embarassing and shameful of me. SO much yelling, swearing, anger. But I was SO triggered. Sadl
We ended "OK", but it's most certainly "over".
PM: now past 11pm, I found a good sleep spot on the south end of Jenny Lake.