View Workout (Joe Uhan)
BIGGEST MISTAKE in a long-time: "Codependency Email"
September 11, 2022 (Night)
Exercise Type: Other
Comments:
(Retrospect mid 10/2022):
I did something absolutely terrible Sunday night: my "Codependency Email" to Jules.
I was super-triggered: the perception that she's going back to Zack, her severe pulling-away (her own triggering)...
...triggered the fuck out of me.
I internally panicked and reacted: "I CAN'T do this again. I CAN'T be her prop while HE gets to have her."
So under the guise of a(n arrogant) "intervention", I outlined:
• how she's codependent
• how it affects me
It wasn't overtly angry or hateful, but it was severe. Relentless. Harsh.
And, unlike earlier in the year, when I "spewed", then sat on it, I hit Send. My rationalization: I had to deal with this before Run Rabbit. I couldn't "pretend" those feelings and pain didn't exist, nor did I have the energy (or courage) to:
• talk before RRR, or
• talk, at all?
I feel like, out of my own fear or rejection, I can't be honest with Jules.
So I spewed. And I sent.
For a few days, I felt angry grandiosity, and ambivalent to her initial upset (and great sensitivity) to the message. I refused to talk to her "until she started therapy" / "read the book".
Biggest mistake in a long time. Triggered. This might've destroyed my whole relationship with Jules. I'm now devastated.