View Workout (Katherine Bronstein)

Return to Log

literally the worst day of my life --> literally the best day of my life (Potomac meet)

October 5, 2010 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: high 50s, cloudy

Comments:
if i were writing this 4 hours ago, i would have said that today was literally the worst day of my life...
last night before i went to bed was awful...i was so anxious i couldn't just do hw. so i cleaned my room (which made my mom happy), made my lunch, and did anything that didn't involve sitting. finally i actually got a couple things done. then went to bed.
i guess i slept ok last night. at least i didnt have any nightmares about the race. it was dreamless and restless. but since i was too nervous to go to bed, i ended up just getting about 6 and a half hours of sleep.
the moment i woke up, thoughts of the race today flooded back into my mind. i was nervous again and couldnt think straight. my head was so all over the place that i could hardly get breakfast on the table yet alone eat it.
somehow i got thru the day. it was a miracle - certain moments of the day when i forgot (for the most part) about the race and just had to focus on school. but the day was so hard to get thru. i was so uptight and afraid that i would break down into tears at any moment. it was so hard to fight back the tears at times and put on a fake smile for my classmates. it was so ridiculous! i mean, who gets so crazy over a tiny insignificant week-day meet? or over any meet for that matter? i even did this relaxation exercise in PE - but that only made me the normal amount of anxious, the amount of stress i would feel on a regular day...not actually relax me tho. my neck is still so sore from all of today's stress.
somehow i got thru lunch...then came chemistry...then french test! it really wasn't very hard, but i nearly fell apart crying and had to stop myself from running out the door before the test even started. the teacher gave us candy tho :) i took a deep breath, and at least kept my face calm. but my head...the first page a listening comprehension and i was so distracted that i left the whole page blank! i just couldn't concentrate. i heard the tape, but i just couldn't listen. i managed to finish the rest of the regular written part of the test - i sure hope i did ok on that part. i really hope i didn't fail. i guess i'll go talk to my teacher tomorrow. but what am i going to say? i got so stressed out about some silly meet that i couldn't concentrate?
but then class finally ended...4pm took a sudden turn and...the worst day of my life became...

LITERALLY THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!
i was still anxious getting on the bus at 3pm, but now i no longer had to think about anything of significance. i think i isolated myself a lot and just did the warm-up listening to my i-pod. thing became routine and i unconsciously began to focus, maybe even relax a bit.
it was so cold outside, but luckily i didn't listen to marisa and kept my leggings and long-sleeves on under my singlet.
i hate lining up at the start line. its so nerve-racking. but luckily i didn't have to stand there long before he shot the gun.
the start was fairly quick. usually i don't have to think much, but this time my head went a little crazy. my legs were moving along fine, but i was thinking of any possible way i could ditch this race.
by the time i got into the woods i was getting into to a race mindset. that's when i started to find my way back to reality, calm down, and enjoy myself.
the whole race was "calm, cool, and collected." my breath was always steady. my form was fine the whole way i think. i kept a mostly steady pace. and i stayed focused the whole race.
there was this really annoying girl nagging me the entire race. she just kept behind me, ranging between a few steps behind and some paces. eventho she got the advantage of not having to lead, i got to control the pace. according to anthony, i created a bigger gap when i took sudden pick-ups down a slight mini-hill (ie. a few steps of down hill giving some momentum for several more strides ahead). by the time i was just over the big hill on the 3rd lap, i had started to really lose her. coming up the last hill just before i got on the track for the last 100m, i got nervous about whether she was behind me. i nearly gave up. but that thought hardly stayed in my head for a second (which is unusual for me, so i guess my mental stamina is getting stronger). usually i just kinda make it up that last hill. but i really started to push it on that steep little up-hill. then i really started to push and used the 2-strides of down hill for momentum to start my sprint. this wasn't an fantastic sprint or anything, but it was a sprint. not just a strong finish, but a good old sprint all the way thru the finish line. of course that annoying girl behind me was long gone by then, but i still kept drive to keep going. i haven't really used my end of the race sprint since the beginning of last year when i actually had several good races. i miss those days, and i hope that just maybe i coming back.
anyway, i was in such high spirits from then on! i got 2nd place, but the place didn't really matter to me at all. all i cared about was that i finally ran a race that i could be proud of. i race that i didn't just kinda make it thru and thats the only good thing i can say about it. no this was a race where it was all positive. i mean, i could've don better. its not like this was some amazing race. but i stayed focused and ran hard. i can be proud of that.
i took me very little time to recover my breath, and i then went back to cheer my team on.
i was in such high spirits! i did my cool down, cheered the boys on, took pictures...had one of marisa's "brownies" (imagine brownies that aren't burned but are like crackers...)
so hopefully this will get some confidence in me. i so amazingly anxious, but no i'm also kinda excited for the rest of the season.