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Loughboro/thoughts

May 1, 2011 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Had a lot of work to do today so wasnt able to get out until around 7. My mom was going out so I asked her to drop me at the top of foxhall for a bit of a different starting point/so I wouldnt have to get up the foxhall hill. Basic down loughboro to macarthur to 44th to hoban then up a bit then home. Beautiful weather and felt like a cruise. I feel like rambling right now, probably to get it down someplace, but I did some pretty heavy duty thinking on this run unintentionally =)
Maybe because of the downhill start or maybe because I'm getting into better shape I felt strong today. Even just starting out, being the only one on the road, having the leaves smack you in the face with raindrops, today felt good. Everything felt together, I was working, but wasnt working at the same time. I'm not really sure why but I got to a part of macarthur where I remembered running a week before I started freshman year summer running. It's about 4 minutes away from my house, and to get there its all downhill, but the spot would probably be about a 1.5-2% incline on a treadmill. I always stopped there, because I thought it was a hill. Thought process then went onto, well, how the hell did I get in such bad shape. This is extremely corny but I thought back. Started out doing gymnastics for years and hours but then quit when told I needed to commit 18 hours a week at 7 years old. Then moved onto soccer and was put in goal because I wasnt very good on the field. I think tehre was kind of a giving up in that, because I then stayed in goal until the end of 8th grade. I think I gave up on myself ever being able to get back into the gymnastic shape, got lazy, gained weight, and told myself I wouldnt be able to really run like the girls on the field. I think by the time I realized, I thought it was too late. I remember emailing Anthony as like a 6th or 7th grader asking for ways to get in shape because I knew he coached xc and track and he said start with a 7-8 minute run. Nope. not happening, I cant run around the field 3 times.
Im not really sure where it turned around but it did. Kind of threw myself into cross country because I was a bit tired of being in goal. Loved the coaches, team, etc but I was doing it more for them than for myself at that point, and I didn’t feel like myself. And I hadn’t really ever done anything for myself. (I realize how terribly tacky this sounds-what the hell could she do damnit, shes-13 years old!). The first summer run was 12 minutes. It was terrible and it was humiliating. But after the period of embarrassment I started to enjoy. Not going to go through a whole saga of high school running journey and everything the Anthony/the coaches/the team have done because that would be a book. but I think I’ve gained some sort of perspective from this run. Yes I ran 7 flat yesterday, no its not fast, no its not even close to where I want to be. But a few years back, running 7 minutes alone was unthinkable. I think this whole stream of conciousness came about because I’m tired of giving myself greif all the time or beating myself up about racing thinking “I should be there”. Not that all races are god-awful-why-the-hell-do-I-still-do-this. I race, I over think, I think I should be somewhere else. Through out the training though, I don’t think I’ve really acknowledged or given myself any credit, it’s always been “where do I go from here”. Don’t think I think I’m on a high horse or think I’m oh so incredibley wonderful. I’ve just never really taken the time to think about these things. And I'm happy. I’m probably going to end up deleting this post but its nice to put it down for now.