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Backing Down from a Challenge

April 14, 2012 (Night)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 55 Cloudy

Comments:
WU: 15:00 with Wyatt, 7:00 more with Corey, Chris Kelly, and Chris Wade
All-Ohio 5k: 16:06
CD: 15:00 with Chris Wade, Wyatt, and Chris Kelly, 15:00 more most of it with Corey

My stomach has been bothering me all week and my main worry before the race was that I would have stomach problems during it. Since we raced around 8pm, I had tried to meake sure I ate enough all day race my best and perhaps had a bit too much fiber because I had to go to the bathroom pretty for much of the warm-up, and it transpired, the race as well.

I went out toward the back, not so much intentionally but just that I am not very good at getting off the line. I soon caught up to Wyatt, Corey and Chris Wade, and Chris, Corey, and I ran together for a few laps, working our way to the front of the second pack. After the mile mark, Corey broke off the front of our pack to reach the front one as they began to separate, while Chris and I never made the jump and soon found ourselves running alone in between. I slowly lost the will to care about the race as it became apparent I was not going to run a PR or score. I never really tanked or lost my composure or form, just sort of fell away and lost interest. I ran the last few laps cognizant that I could still break 16 if I wanted to, but couldn't find within myself the will to make it happen. I finished, with a degree of indifference in 16:06, not very tired but with some stomach difficulty. Coach didn't seem too upset with me and reminded me it was supposed to be a tune-up for Conference more than anything else.

As I look back on the race, and this week in general, I carried myself with a certain degree of indifference and disinterest in my running that cannot lead to my being successful. Coach Rubin reminded us as we left the bus today that even though it was raining and we might not all have PR's, it was still important to use today as a practice for conference in how we need to be competitive no matter what the conditions are. It turned out that the conditions during the 5k were perfectly fine. Yet, I still lacked the competitive fire to run well.

I may be leaving in two weeks but I am not yet gone. The season is not over yet. I have some work left to do. I would have liked to make this season a clean sweep of PRs and I failed to do that today. But, this time I still have one last chance. It's about time to put myself together and realize I will remember how I end my collegiate running career for the rest of my life and in two weeks I will get the chance to write that memory. For once in my chronically sissy, choking-filled running career, I want to make it a good one because when I walk off that track in Pittsburgh it will be for the last time. And I will have all summer to think about it before I head to Wisconsin. To this point, I've babied myself, backed down from every challenge, and shirked every chance to be thrown out of my comfort zone and experience a little trial by fire. It's time to stop that crap and I've only got one shot left.