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The Final Goodbye

May 2, 2012 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 85 Partly Cloudy

Comments:
1. Veale to MLK to NRV, a lap on the track, back to Veale via Little Italy (alone)
2. Veale up North Park around lower lake and back (with Paul Z)-

As I readied myself to leave Case for the final time as a student and the final time when I could really call it home, I planned a sort of goodbye run where I would try to hit many of the places that meant something to me as a runner. I had just come from going out to lunch with my lab group as my final goodbye to them, finishing up my paper, and cleaning out my desk in the lab. I said goodbye to everyone I saw for much of the day and spent a lot of it crying.

I started off the run alone since Paul wasn't running as far as I planned to and decided to make my way to MLK, the track, and Little Italy. Unfortunately I did not have the time to run down MLK to the lake, but running by the top reminds me at least of the tempos with the team struggling to make it through, the dogs that used to scare everyone off the street that I'm the only one left on the team who remembers, and the tempos that went well as I managed to relax and make myself into a better runner. I did a lap on the track and waved to Erin and Natajia who were practicing as I went by. It felt weird to take my last lap as a student and I realized I may never again see some of the people who were there. I ran through Little Italy, past Holy Rosary, and said a quick prayer of thanks for the great community and direction I got from my time going there and in the hopes that it may help students through the wide sea of college and instruct them properly in the faith. After that, I made my way back to Veale to mee Paul and head up North Park.

Paul and I spoke about how much the team has meant to us over the years, how much we've grown from the team, and how much the team has changed over our time here. Paul wanted to take the back side of the lake first, but I insisted, almost too powerfully, to make my final run a classic North Park run: out North Park and back South Park, always in that order and never the opposite. We returned to Veale and talked a bit while "stretching". We took a shower and I cleaned out my locker, the last thing I had left at Case, even after my apartment, and went home.

In my time here, I saw the team grow and change so much even though it was fairly established when I arrived. The team became my family at Case and indeed I spent more time with all of you than I did my actual family. A team of devoted runners is a set of blood brothers, the group who has spent a truly incredible amount of time, talent, and energy putting our blood, sweat, and tears together for a common goal. I have never been a part of any organization built on such a focused will as this team.

For my part, I loved this team from the moment I joined as a scared little freshman walking unwittingly into the big bad world. But, being a part is not only an individual voice of membership, it requires taking an active role to strive to make the team better, better athletes and better people. It requires looking out for each other and helping to pick each other up as we fall and struggle through collegiate life. In this regard, each and every one of you has played a crucial role in keeping my going through my most difficult moments. There were points when I was hurt and felt as though there could be no exit, no healing, and no hope. But, all of your presence has picked me up, brightened many of my darkest days. Whenever I showed up at practice, sick, coming unhinged, mentally unstable, and goodness only knows what else, you have made me smile.

You have all made me feel as though I belong here, even if I didn't always agree with what the team did. You all accepted me for who I was, even if I never conformed to the standards of everyone else. I always felt a welcome on this team. Part of my difference was inalterably intwined in my dislike for drinking, something which I had always kept a vague hope for changing the team's culure when it was hopeless, not by an iron fist but by example. This would have been an impossible task for me, yet the team seems to have grown in this regard too this year while I was gone.

Each generation of the team is an opportunity to maintain the traditions that make us strong and improve upon the weaknesses of the past generations to fix the pieces of us that no longer serve the team well, for instance my generation made our easy days and recoveries easy and recovery. That will be our legacy. My personal hope is that I have contributed to making each and every one of you a better athlete and a better person than you would have been if we were never teammates. It is an unmeasureable goal, so I can shed no light on whether or not I accomplished it, or even part of it. Knowing my knack for messing things up whenever I try to assess them, that's probably a good thing.

Each and every one of you MADE Case and Cleveland my home. I've spent a lot of the last four days crying because some of you I will never see on a regular basis again. I am thankful all of you were a part of my life and I will miss you always,

-Tim