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2012 NCAA Champtionships - The 7 Year Chase - Nationals

November 17, 2012 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
I haven't logged this until today - now mid July far past the season and my collegiate career for a combination of reasons. Sentimental my career is over, unhappy with how my personal career came to an end, pretending that real life is not actually here yet, but nonetheless, my running-log needs some closure.

Essentially what I wanted to write in this log, I wrote in the email I sent to the team once the season had ended. However, there are some things I would like to add. I never looked at the results until just now, 27:24, 259th out of 279. Looking at those results, as anyone feels when they were not given the chance to show what they can actually do, I certainly am bothered by the fact I know that's not where I could finish, ability wise and more-so training wise. And the fact the time is closely linked with my sophomore year PR, a letdown when I believed myself to be in the top 10 in the region. But, on the other hand there were 20 individuals on the course that day who I did beat, with one fully functioning foot and one leg with normal mechanics, and I would argue the majority of those 20 could not ay the same; so will choose to look at it in this way.

Also, I had the opportunity to run along my teammate for segments of miles 4 and 5, us both pushing along and motivating the other. This experience, compared to a higher finish, is more in line I believe with what we all know lasts after our careers are over and also with the primary reason we do the sport - for the people. In that sense, I consider the last two XC miles of my Spartan career aligned with what Chris and I cared about the most; and therefore, a satisfying and meaningful finish.

Goal wise - my largest disappointment is where I failed to hit the personal marks I had set. But, these personal goals were all just tributaries to the National's goal. That we got. I am very proud that the last time at Nats I witnessed my freshman year, and we were able to bring it back for my last season. 2008 - 2013 we helped get the team back there, and I am proud of what we were able to instill, not Chris and I or Steve and I but all of us together. As Chris has said, no one ever needed to buy in to our philosophy - but you all did. And that led to the success that had been chased in years past; but painfully never achieved.

So, I leave my career with the following advice, and hope that I did my part to inspire my teammates and never doubt any of you in your ambitions. Best of luck and I am excited to continue to follow the team at an appropriately close level as a real world person.


Final Words:

The first thing is, I came into the season thinking I wanted to finish at the least in the top 10, maybe even 5, of our region. After last year when I was 16th, I finished next to the guys that qualified individually, and after having a whole additional summer to train; this is what I had in my sights. I believed this is where I would be all year, and after All-Ohio this season, I added "Believe I can be an All-American" to my goal sheet. So from that point, to then having to accept my injury and also that my original expectations might not happen was a big shift. I struggled with this a lot, which I hid from everyone except for Coach, because in no way did I want to it dampen at all the success that we had. I figured that after the season was over, I would have a hard time moving on knowing that I did not meet my own expectations for myself and also what I knew I was capable of. But as we have moved along since November, that's not what I find myself feeling regretful about. I don't necessarily desperately "miss" the opportunity to qualify to nationals or chase after being an all-american. Everything I think back to is focused on the people on the team, and having the opportunity to meet and become friends with a significant number of awesome people, and missing that. So, it is exactly like girl Corey said, any regret about accomplishments you did or did not achieve will be relatively quick to fade, but what you will always remember are the people who you were fortunate enough to have as your teammates. My point is, take advantage of every moment you have with your teammates, while on this team, because before you know it you will be done at Case and you might never have a similar group of people in your life again. Of course, we all want to compete at the highest level, but just never lose sight of enjoying the time you have with your teammates, and on this team, because of it. Years from now, your teammates and the connections you made will still matter, but the times, PRs, and awards will all fade. Me being a pretty serious person academically (although not Tim Smith serious (love ya Timber)), this is something the team has taught me. Perhaps sometimes it is worth putting off that HW, or not working all day long so that you can spend time with your teammates or friends. You have your whole life to work, so balance that with also enjoyment now while you can. I know...great advice form a future teacher right?


The second lesson I have learned, and not truly learned until the end of this season, is the power of knowing you cannot let others down. I mean, most of us know that it doesn't feel great to let people who depend on us down, but what I didn't realize is the extent to which this accountability can push us past what we are capable of. In our regionals race, about a mile and a half in until the end, my legs felt horrendous...which made complete sense, as I had only run once at my full body weight before that race, but nonetheless it was awful. I have never had such strong thoughts of just wanting to stop or significantly slow down, and I feel like I am a fairly strong mental runner typically. With it being so early in the race too, I couldn't comprehend myself holding the pace and finishing, because your not accustomed to feeling awful after a mile and a half, we're told we should feel good at that point, it goes against what we expect. But at the instant I was overwhelmed by all of this, I thought of Chris Kelly, how me and him experienced twice the letdown of a whole season of sacrifice to make it to Nats, only to be let down at the end. I thought of standing by the results last year at Oberlin, with him crying on my shoulder because of the team not making it; I thought of Phil making the decision to come back to the team and join us again; David stepping up in a place on the team we didn't think he would be ready for; Aaron talking to me on the bus ride after xc UAAs @ Chicago last year about where he wanted to be for this season and how high his commitment would be, and then following through; Tim, Tony, and every other freshman "buying in" as Chris has said to our philosophy of training which asks ridiculous things like swimming 4x per week and spending 4 + hours at a practice when we are division iii athletes at an academically rigorous school; Ben who I saw being just as happy to be a part of us as an alternate, as he would of been in the top 7, showing his legit character; and possibly above all else, the sacrifice every member of the team makes in some way or another to do their part in making us great. For 3.5 miles I kept this and pretty much only this thought in my head, that I can't let my teammates down. And with not knowing how my body would be able to finish, this mentality pushed me far beyond what I thought I would be able to do. Sure, I may have finished in the lows 40s place wise when I should have been all-region, and wanted to be in the top 10, and yet, this is the race I am the proudest of throughout my entire Case career, because my teammates got me through it, not much else. If you are able to acquire this feeling of support and sacrifice from your teammates, it will take you past what you think you are capable of doing in competition and also in life. So, take advantage of it, because this is something you certainly will not always have after your 4 years as a spartan. So, thank you all for being my teammates, getting me through that race, and in doing so, getting us to nats.