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Another Busted Tempo

August 6, 2010 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 75 Partly Cloudy

Comments:
(with Carter, Chicago Chris)-

I started this off in mental lala land for the first couple miles. From then on it seeming like I was struggling to keep up. My legs were rather stiff and that was part of it. My stomach felt sort of bad, as usual, especially the last week or so, and I just got frustrated, resigned this to failure and drifted off the two of them. Carter yelled to me, "it's not your legs, it's not your lungs, it's your mind." I think, and rarely will I agree my problems are mental and if I just 'pretend' they aren't there things will get better, that he had a valid point today. I cashed it in pretty badly, finishing with a 6:14 last mile and a heart rate of 164 when I stopped, and probably well below that during.

My legs are pretty terrible right now and that's part of it, as was/is? my stomach. But I am just getting sick of this. I come out here every single week to run some crappy, slow tempo, struggling not to get dropped and it's gotten rather old. I can't seem to ever relax at any pace, period. Everything I do is completely forced and I'm starting to hate running. To ME (other people will talk about jobs, degrees, and all that jazz...), my summer feels like a failure. I have been looking forward to this coming season, hoping this summer I could transform myself from whatever I was in May back into a good cross-country runner and I have failed at that (unless something crazy happens next week). I have made no tangible progress in the last month. I am just sick of this. I have started to hate running every day. I keep doing it because I'm SUPPOSED to, because some day, somehow, I'll put myself back together. I keep telling myself that anyway. I didn't expect any of this to be easy, far from it, but I hoped I would be a little more successful. I keep failing at every tempo, every test of my fittness level. I like I've failed so many times, I'm just numb.