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Coopers Lake

September 25, 2010 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 60 Sunny

Comments:
I went out a bit more conservative than most people, but still managed to put myself about where I wanted to be after a couple miles. Despite hurting from the hills, I think I could start to see the race coming back to me a bit. Then, just past the three mile mark, I felt the entire right side of my abdomen spasm and tighten up. I was in pretty bad pain and seriously wondered how I'd even be able to finish at all. I winced, ran a 7:00 fourth mile, and was passed by seemingly the entire race. I finished in milder pain but more apathy in 29:15, knowing even if I finished hard by then, the point was moot.

I am not sure if I should be mad at myself or not. I'm not sure I could have done a whole lot more when my stomach cramped. Everything after that was complete garbage. Coming into this race, I was starting to gain a little bit of confidence about my running, but today I was completely worthless. I could lie and say some fake-positive thing about how "happy" I am to be running, but I am sick of the endless parade of excuses. I am NOT happy to just be here. This whole season is just depressing. I am not close at all to mattering. I'm wondering why I am even on the team right now. I guess I wouldn't know what else to do. Every single workout I am constantly struggling and miserable.

I know the season's not over yet but I am very very very quickly running out of time. Today I ran like I am completely washed up, and I can't even say a thing I would have done differently. There is nothing I can learn from today. There is no positive I can take. I did nothing to help the team get better. I was completely worthless.