View Workout (Joe Uhan)
OFF - travel
November 27, 2013 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Other
Comments:
Busy day. Worked a full shift, then had to haul ass to the allergy clinic for my shot. It's tough to sneak in, since my lunch is :45 and they make you sit for :30 after the injections.
My last patient of the day no-showed, so that allowed me to finish up paperwork (and download some tunes for the drive); I had all my stuff packed up, but I invariably forgot shit, so at 4:30 I drove home to get more stuff, and I was on the road at 5.
Busy I-5 but made pretty good time. The solo drive gave me plenty of time to reflect on the past week and the crazy powerful, sweeping developments with Chelsea. Damn.
As I made my way south, I began to think about the future: where she and I are going to go, and how. And for me: How do I explain this to other people, namely those few people (BGD/Sara, Erin, Brandie, Max) who know everything that went down a year ago?
I knew *we* had reconciled, but how can I reconcile with them? Just last week, I forwarded the news clip of Chelsea to my sister, because I wanted her to get a glimpse of who she is. I talked to my sister briefly two weeks ago (after me and C's first meeting), so she's aware of some degree of reconciliation.
My sister's response to the video: "I still don't like her".
HA!
It's funny, but it's not. It highlights a real issue, for them and for me: Chelsea made some serious errors and did things to hurt me. Will she truly *own* those things, not only to my friends/family, but ultimately to me?
I thought about how we're *so close* to making this truly real - me 100% giving my heart to her - and I thought about what would happen if I did that, and then she turned me away: either by failing to own those things to my people (and therein failing with ME), or later on having "second thoughts" and disavowing feelings for me, like she did a year ago.
That really scared me, and made me tear up as I drove down the road. I knew I had to tell her this stuff, and I had to challenge her yet again:
- Will she reconcile with my friends/family and thereby own up to her responsibility of the mistakes we made?
- What is she committed to improving or changing in order to demonstrate her feelings for me?
- What, ultimately, ARE her feelings, and what is HER mission to ME?
So I stopped in Ashland and sat in the Holiday Inn Express lounge, furiously typing. I made quick work, and within :35 I was back on the road.
Chelsea texted me within minutes say, "I'm writing you back, right now". Within an hour (by the time I got to Weed), she'd crafted her response.
Wow. Legit. Granted, ACTION is the ultimate standard, but the speed and power by which she responded says a lot. And the depth of the feelings in those words really surprised me.
The rest of the drive went pretty well. Got to Rocklin just after 12:30AM.