View Workout (Joe Uhan)
OFF
April 6, 2014 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Other
Weather: 70, nice
Comments:
No running today: slept in, then did the last day of class. I had to finish my iRF article, so I camped out at the Starbz in Clackamas to finish it before driving home. I should've run since it was SO nice, but I was so tired and...now in "taper mode".
Ugh, what a weird weekend. It was a great class, but I was fairly distracted with the Emelia stuff. After waiting a whole day, I wrote her back today, saying "Oh Emelia! You're so silly!...", pretty much to let her know that *I* knew that she was full of shit and making excuses. She might've gone back to EUG, but whether she did or didn't, it's clear she wasn't comfortable seeing me. In case she felt like I was *looking for more*, I reframed things into *what it is* and said, "You just let me know when you're around and need me to work that fanny...pack again". My point was to let HER know that what we had WAS physical, and that she needn't worry that I'm trying to establish a LTR/LDR with her off of one hook-up.
I did a bunch of reading in the PM and it helped solidify the notion that A.) she only really wanted a hookup and B.) she was merely "pretending" to want to see me again to make it look like she wasn't simply "using me". I can't say that's for sure her angle, but I'm having a hard time reconciling why she would repeatedly say she wanted to hang out, how great last week was...yet "stall text" like crazy, then repeatedly bail.
But the hardest part of the whole weekend was the realization is that, ultimately, I was using her as a stop-gap, temporary "intimacy fill". It's like taking S!Caps. Yeah, they'll help, but they're REALLY not the answer. Gosh, I wish (for many reasons, most of them obvious) I'd gotten "one more hit", but...it just didn't happen that way.
Had a low night in the PM, just dealing with that realization, of how much I NEED that intimacy, but that I'm going to have to work to create it, legitimately and sustainably...