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South Eug + Fairmount + River Path 2x1mi

October 20, 2014 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: high 50s, POURING RAIN

Comments:
First "noon" (e.g. mid-day) run in 1.5 years, and my first time on a long-lunch run schedule since, I think 2010! I'm shifting to a triple lunch (2.25hr), M-W-Th, and a double (1.5hr) on Tuesday. This will let me get in 10-13 miles (at least)on those days, and free up evenings for writing and coaching stuff.

Felt OK today at work, but a little on-edge, knowing the convo, upcoming tonight. It was on and off light rain when I left at 1. Decided to do a short 2x1mi (with a very short, 30s recover run rest) along the river path on the tried-and-true route.

Ran easy into South Eug, then along Fairmount. Felt the weekend fatigue, and my nerves: HR was into the 140s. But the legs felt fine enough.

Just as I was getting to the River, it began to rain harder...and HARDER. Til it was fucking POURING and windy, just as I started the tempo! Sheesh!

Ran pretty hard, focusing on the "HAPP'D". I felt strong, but I also felt like I was fighting my way out of a wet plastic bag. It felt like a 5:25-:30 effort, so I was PEHSED when I hit 5:50. Recovered "over da bridge", then went after the 2nd mile. I thought it'd be faster since the rain and wind died down, but same shit: 5:50! Ugh.

Oh well. First real fast stuff outdoors since pre-Waldo. It's to be expected, but still annoying. There's no cutting corners with my body - I lose it, and have to work it back.

Rest of the day was good: two patients, including Emily, with whom I spent 90 minutes.

I'd texted Kaci late afternoon asking to talk and, thankfully, she was able to "right away", so I biked home (and got poured on, again), changed, took a few deep breaths, and called her.

How it went down:

- some small talk
- I asked her, "How do you think the relationship is going?" Other than, "good", she had no insights
- I asked her, "Where do you see us going?". She literally had no words. The phone was silent for 30 seconds.
- I then asked, "Do you think I set off any previous sensitivities with old relationships?" She said no, and that I was unlike her previous men, who were "condescending, passive-aggressive, and manipulative", as well as controlling: wanting to spend every minute with her.

After all this questioning, she, then, of course, knew something was up, so she began to ask me. I told her what I thought my needs are:

- someone who will take care of themselves
- someone who will take care of others
- someone who will be a teammate and meet me halfway

And, I told her that I have significant issues with all three of those things.

The Running:

I laid it out there pretty straight-forward: that what she was doing was unsustainable, and that Jason Koop is "all sorts of wrong for her":

- the running volume
- the racing (and how "training races" she's running are too fast)
- him wanting her to run the volumes, workouts and "3.5 hour recovery days"

During this time, she went from quiet to audible anger: defending Koop, defending herself ("*I* know MY body!"), and declaring that, essentially, her running is off-limits to discussion.

I came back with "what I know": about what is and isn't sustainable in the sport, my values (and background as an over-trained athlete, growing up), and my role as a promoter of sustainable running in the ultra community.

She was defiant, nonetheless, saying, "If you have a problem with my running, then we have a problem".

To which I responded, "...yeah."

Honestly, it could've ended there, but I obviously wasn't done.

The MigZ:

Again, straight-forward: "I have a serious issue with your relationship with Miguel": outlining that he's a married man, that going away for days together is inappropriate and lacking boundaries.

She was even more outraged, and asked me WHY this was a problem. I had to pause for a good ten seconds to attempt to answer this. I answered by telling an analogy: of us being married, me quitting running and getting out of shape, then "finding rock climbing", and meeting "a young, attractive climbing parter" and spending hours and days together, alone.

Her response: "It's all about TRUST!" In other words, she refused to acknowledge that would be an issue for her. I then countered with the notion that her relationship with Miguel is jeopardizing his marriage with Rose.

Her response:

- "They're ACTUALLY not even married, they're just TOGETHER"
- "OUR FRIENDSHIP has made their relationship STRONGER!"

On the latter, she claims that they were about to break-up (slash common-law divorce, or some shit) before he started running (and running with her).

Of note: she had a fantastic Freudian Slip, stating, "They were about to break up before he and I were - I mean, were RUNNING - together!"

On the former, somehow that makes it better, and I asked her, "Then why did you tell me he was married?"

I then addressed three weeks ago, and how she refused to tell me she was with him going to Bear Chase:

"I asked you three times if he was with you, and you didn't answer. I asked you directly, "Is Miguel with you?"
"I didn't think I needed to answer."
"So...you think this is an acceptable thing to do in a relationship? When I ask a question, you get to ignore it?"

We went around this one for a bit longer, but I was losing her. "I have to GO! I need to feed the dogs."

But I was done letting her have her way all the time: "I'm not done, I need another ten minutes".

The Selfishness

I talked about her refusal to meet me halfway. I had a lot of material here, but started with the weekend list: I'd emailed her a list of every weekend between now and Bandera, and, again, she ignored it. She argued that "I looked at it".

"Why didn't you say anything?"

I wanted to go in for the Big Tie-In: how selfish her relationship is with Miguel - jeopardizing his running for her aims (e.g. not running his pace, burying him on runs, etc), but I couldn't get there. She hung-up on me.

And that's it.

Pretty incredible, but not surprising. Wow, though...just outrageous denial. Colossal.

Who was I kidding? I can't be with someone who functions that way, am *I* out of my mind?

I anticipate she'll do one of two things:

- She'll be overcome with guilt (as she did on the run on the coast), and possible re-connect
- She'll be so threatened that I've exposed all her SHIT, that she'll never speak to me again (like Chelsea).

Part of me is hoping for the latter, because I'm not sure how I'd handle the former. How can you rebuild from here?