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Autumn Leavs ...30K - DNF

October 25, 2014 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 50s, periods of hard rain + strong winds...then pretty nice

Comments:
I almost called Emily to tell her I wasn't going: felt sick on Friday, and the foot was bugging me, but when I awoke, I decided I felt "OK". She was volunteering, so she luxuriously drove us there. I half slept on the 1.5hr drive, but didn't feel very good, despite that.

I wasn't nervous for this; I wasn't dreading it, either. I thought it could be a fantastic workout - low 6s pace work, grinding out a long run. And I have a ton of great memories from this event, so overall, my mindset was positive going in.

The weather wasn't too terrible, but it was dark and damp at the 0700 start. I took off and immediately heard footsteps behind me. I wasn't for sure who it was, but I remembered that Josh Zielinsky from Salem was registered. He and I raced each other last December, where he led for like 40K, before I put 20min on him in the last leg!

He was right behind me as we sped along the bike path - in the dark, rain and wind. I checked my watch here and there and saw 6:00 pace, so I slowed it to 6:20-30 or so. But neither effort felt good. The HR was pegging 170, which sucked. But I pressed on, trying to get comfortable, and working the "HAPP'D" stride.

In years past, a decent early race turnaround (<5K) split was 18-low. But when we approached the turnaround - on a prolonged, fairly steep uphill - the turn cone was set back a good 25m farther! WTF? When I finally circled, my split was 19:47! FUCK! Ugh.

Josh was right behind me, which was fine, but it was hard for me to settle down and relax. The rain pounded down pretty hard and puddled on the pavement as we hit the 1.5-mile dirt section - which also had pooled water in the singletrack.

We hit the first lap in, like, JUST under 41. Brutal. While my typical opening lap is 38-39, this was both slow AND felt shitty! Ugh. Not good.

Josh and I headed out together for the second lap. I grabbed a mini-bottle of water and struggled with it a bit, which allowed him to pull even. We ran together, with me just in front, until the second turnaround, where he passed me on the incline and got around the cone before me. From there, he pulled away.

I felt like SHIT: breathing was OK, but the HR was still pegging high 160s, and the legs felt heavy. Ugh. Mid to high 6:xx felt brutal. The foot was OK, but not great. Just felt achy and tired. At that point, about 15K in, I seriously considered dropping.

Josh was pulling away, but I felt like my pace was OK, but I hit the 2nd lap in 42:30, a good 1:30 slower than the first. But I kept going, hoping to at least log one more lap so as to "get a long run" for the day.

It was depressing. What the fuck? I DO think a huge difference between *now* and '11 and '12 is that, quite simply, I no longer "grind". I don't DO runs "on the daily" in the mid-to-high 6s. And even though my body is better for it (e.g. better fat-burning, more sustainable running, more equipped for really hard sessions, etc), it has COMPLETELY lost the specificity to run this gear.

That was my primary thought going into the 3rd lap: the effort didn't FEEL hard (though the HR was jacked), but the legs just did NOT want to move that fast.

Early in the 3rd lap I was intent on running strong and keeping sight of Josh. I pressed on and a funny thing happened: he started coming back to me. In fact, by the time I hit the turnaround, he walked a bit; and by the midway aid station, he all-out stopped and, just like that, I was back in the lead.

Fuck.

I didn't want to lead, I wanted to DROP! So I hit the finish of the 3rd lap (43:03), and, goddamn it, I kept going. I knew he was hurting BAD (and, like at Frozen Trail 50K, would likely implode colossally), and if I simply *kept running*, I'd at least win.

But going into the 3rd lap - the feet and hips aching, and my energy - and heart - tanking, I just stopped. I walked for a bit, and felt Josh creeping back to me, and when he caught up, I jogged with him.

"I've been trying to drop for 1.5 laps!"
"I feel like shit, too, wanna just jog it in?"
"Ugh...I'm not even sure I can do that"

We ran together for a bit, but I couldn't even hold his pace. He pulled away and, when we reached J-bob Leman at the trail junction, I stopped.

Done.

Chatted with J-Bob for a bit, and when Pam Smith came through (at the end of her 3rd lap), I jogged it in with her (or, should I say, "grinded" 7:30s at 16x HR) to the finish.

Sucked. Huge bummer. But in retrospect, two things played a huge role:

- I think I got sick from my flu shot. It affected me ALL this week, with fatigue, fever+chills, and way low energy
- Getting a full allergy shot yesterday was a BAD idea. It hit me hard last night, and was undoubtedly in the system, still.

I hung out at the finish while Emily worked, and we watched Josh (who REALLY faded and won in 3:47), Pam and Mike Taylor, my coaching client, finish, before heading home.

Felt like SHIT the rest of the day: gut rot, fatigue. Slept on and off the rest of the afternoon into the evening, before having a "counseling session" with Mr Roberts in the PM.

Mr Roberts ROCKS. For one, he's a fantastic counselor (almost on par with BGD). For two, both he and I have a history with disordered eating and, right now, that is the setting he works in. In fact, the day after Kaci left in early September, we talked about it, because her behaviors set off major red flags for him.

I wanted to talk to him: about her behavior, and about how you deal with folks with such deep-seeded "control issues". He put it plainly: the prognosis for ANYONE to get over ANY eating issue is very poor and, as he put it, "They HAVE TO be MOTIVATED" to get better. And, based on what I told him - of her patterns of control, rigidity, and destructive behaviors (food, running, relationships), he told me, "I'm glad you got out".

It was good to hear, and good to get his insights. I so love and cherish having great friends willing to listen and give insights, AND have them be "experts" in this way. I'm very lucky.

(Wore the new LIME GREEN NB 890s)