View Workout (Joe Uhan)
Durango Sports Club weights
July 1, 2022 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Weights
Comments:
Pretty tired from the run, but still did:
• abs
• deadlift
• deadlift row
• 40lb db chest press (hard!)
• plank/row
Finished with my first sauna since early May?
Rest of the day:
• to Walmart, but too chaotic to return stuff
• to Natty
• then home
TIRED today.
And in general? A REALLY hard day. I feel particularly vulnerable - like I'm gonna lose Jules. AGAIN.
After I sent that message, about:
• how important it was, last fall, that I invested and honored Callie during her 100-miler...even though I was CLEARLY in love with Jules
* how, soon, I would need to revert back to "pre-June Joe" -- to NOT be flirting with her (even if it's "reminiscing" about the weekend) or trying to otherwise convince or entice her to move forward with me
• how that she needs that relative space (as I did, from her, after she moved away) to "take care of things"
That I never heard from her again - not even a reaction to my good morning/safe travels/good luck text this morning - worries me:
• Is she freaking out (finally) that she did the wrong thing with me, and she'll dive back in with Zack?
• Did she realize that I'm right, and she needs to pull away and both honor Zack and decide on her future? Or,
• Did she take my message ("you need time and space") as a sort of rejection?
Either way...goddamn it, it's hard. It's been hard to have to say goodbye, push her away, or walk away - as I have - like, fucking three or four times in the past ten months. But now? After what we shared? After what SHE shared, about how she feels about me? To lose her AGAIN? This is the worst.
It was a really tough day. But I return to my mantra: "Patience & Faith"
Patience: that nothing in this relationship has ever been on my timetable, but...
Faith: because, despite that, and every other struggle, things have thus far worked out.